reaching out to PILs, not letting ex know. Should I?

[disneyspendingmoney]

I'm thinking of reaching out to my PILs about having contact with the dcs.

They in all the time I've known them have never reached out to me about anything.

The do appear to have all the attributes of toxic IL's and DPs, self centered money grabbing manipulative narcs.

But, I'm prepared to put that to one side.

Seperation with my ex was very difficult, there was a lot of abusive behaviour, the police were involved, the DC's went on the at risk register and my ex's contact is very limited due to children's protection recommendations and the court orders.

My ex was exceptional at keeping me isolated and from what I understand has spun a wholly different tale to the ILs about contact. I think they believe I'm withholding the DC's from any form of contact (I know the bs my ex can spin to cover stuff up).

I'm not that comfortable trying to reach out to the PILs they are arch manipulations and not reasonable people.

I'm thinking of writing them a letter which I will post after I've read some of your thoughts and insights that I'll use for guidance.

I was going to say yes but then I read the full post.

From your description, no good will come of this. They havent approached you , so i would let things lie.

Sounds as if the split was very difficult, having made the break I dont think you should establish contact again

Why exactly are you thinking of doing this?

They haven't approached you.

You don't like them.

Their relationship with you up til now at best could be described as indifference. It's probably worse in reality.

They weren't good parents.

Most importantly they haven't expressed any interest in seeing their grandchildren before or after the split.

So why exactly are you bothering with this?

Absolutely do not do this. Why are you even thinking about it?!

Why on earth would you? You have nothing nice to say about them so why expose your innocent children to them? Also, they don’t seem remotely interested!

It's because I feel that the dcs have a, I don't know the word to use, opportunity to have a relationship with them.

They are astoundingly difficult and materialistic people. I personally cannot see the DC's getting any benefit from seeing them other than during ex's contact time and they do a load of parental alienation stuff as well , which the DC's don't respond to and then tell me all about their shitty behaviour.

Shortly before the final court hearing, I was told to be reasonable by my lawyer and asked them if they wanted contact independently of ex, they did say no then. So I guess, we'll stick to how it is.

You would bitterly regret it. Bitterly.

Thank you all for what you've said.

I feel atm that I've exhausted every of reasonable avenue. There is a clause in the contact order that says the parents must attempt to be agreeable, which my ex has not done and I certainly don't think the PILs are capable of doing, I am aware of what their rights are regarding the DC's.

This doesn’t make any sense at all. You’re describing them as horrific so fgs put your children first. And they’ve already said no!!!!!

Through all the fog I totally see where your coming from
How attainable this will be I’m not sure but I see why you have this on your mind .
I wonder if this was put to relationships or gransnet what responses would be
Shit I hope I’m not flamed lol
I truly get where your coming from it’s more of for the sake of the children..but I don’t really know how it’s gonna work out