New here, need some advice

[ValleysGirl72]

Hi, I'm 46 and been married for just over 27 years, and I'm not happy and haven't been for quite some time.

How do you tell the other half that you want a divorce?

Any advice will be gratefully appreciated

HI @ValleysGirl72. I literally was you - 2 years ago, I'm now divorced and have just started my new life.
As for telling your STBXH, all I can advise is be firm and be prepared for anything as far as reaction goes. No need to make a list of all your reasons or try to justify your decision - just say you've had enough and make it clear you are not going to change your mind (assuming that is the case??)
On a practical level, make sure you see a solicitor for some advice even if you decide to do a DIY divorce I think having some background advice is invaluable. Separate any joint monies ASAP (ie current account). Take one day at a time, look after yourself and be prepared for this to take a while, unfortunately it can't really be rushed. Give your STBXH some time to accept your decision before you push forward with next step.

I walked out and left a note. It was the only way I could do it, but it turned out ok in the end, and we are now friends.

I would say though to get on with the divorce ASAP because for one thing it all drags on long enough, and the other thing is that you could end up paying cgt especially as you’ve been married 27 years, but it all very much depends on your circumstances.

Opposite way round and he told me 3 months ago. Calmly is my advice but is it going to be a shock? Perhaps some hints first? You don't know how he will react so ensure you have your essential paperwork etc sorted out if you have joint finances consider having a separate account ready to transfer 50% of funds. Be fair but be prepared that the reaction could be extreme, it was in my friends case (whereas my h hasn't got round to getting a bank account so I have access to all his salary, considerably more than mine)

Thank you all for your advice. We've always had separate bank accounts, so that isn't a problem.

Poshtotty2, what is cgt please?

I think l need to sit down and write out what I want to say to him, and as long as he doesn't do his puppy dog eyes, I think I'll be ok :-)

Many thanks for your advice xx

Capital gains tax?

Thank you NSA2103

Update - still haven't plucked up the courage to tell him! Just being chicken I guess!

I have been trying to do some research first, as we don't have any property. The house is rented and in my name only. It would only be maintained for the youngest, only I don't want any of his pension.

My children are older, 28, 24 and 15, the elder two still living at home, youngest waiting for GCSE results and hopefully going to college in September.

I work 30 hours a week, overtime if I want it. Not much of a support network family wise as my mother passed away 18 months ago and there's not much contact with my sister.

Work colleagues on the other hand are very supportive. I know this isn't going to be easy. We have split up before, about 16 years ago, and if it hadn't been for my cousin and my eldest asking to see dad, I truly believe that we would never have got back together.

I guess I need to grow a pair!!