Would this worry you? - DC with DH for the weekend for the first time

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I'm very anxious about my DC being with their Dad for long periods of time. Some of the anxiety is based on actual fears (he's not attentive, he's lost them on a number of occasions in public places, he's let them wander off because they wanted to go home - 8 yo wandered a mile home crossing several roads and DH didn't think to check that I was in first - there's been 2 A&E trips in the past when he's been in charge - one injury needing stitiches, one MH emergency for DC with autism). Some I think it just exaggerated anxiety from other stuff that's going on. I was actually really looking forward to the children staying with their Dad,

They had their first weekend with him this past weekend, since he moved out in March. We have a parenting agreement (which he has already violated - but that's another issue).

When the DC came back, 2 had sunburn (said DH didn't put suncream on them and they were outside a lot). I get this isn't a huge deal, but there's a history of skin cancer in my family so I do worry and am probably over cautious. Also, one DC had a black eye and a grazed nose, another had a bruise near her eye as well. Apparently they had a fight and got very phisical with each other (i.e. DH did not hit the DC).

I am worried because in the past he has struggled to manage the DC's behaviour and my DC with autism is prone to anger and aggression when he is having a meltdown.

The thing is, I know I'm probably not well placed to judge if this is a real issue, or just me worrying too much. Any thoughts welcome.

Sounds pretty negligent. Sunburn and two black eyes. Yes, I’d be concerned.

Not protecting his children from the sun is a big deal.
It might get better as he gets used to having them on his own more, but I would photograph the sun burn and injuries and keep a record of the date because if this becomes a common occurrence, it will be evidence you might want to use to argue that he doesn't have whole weekends because he cannot cope with them.

Hi there,

I just wanted to post as I would find this very, very concerning. I have two and yes, of course they fight (best friends most of the time thank goodness) and although they’re pretty strong they have never inflicted this kind of injury on each other nor, would I I ever let it get to this stage. I would be horrified if this happened on my husband’s ‘watch’ if I was out. This qualifies as a clear case of parental neglect in my book. Suncream situation is also not great (although easier to explain as sometimes not enough put on / weather seems overcast but isn’t etc). Letting an 8 year old cross a series of busy roads / wander off and never checking you were even home cause for much alarm. Someone may be along to provide better advice on how to deal with this. My husband is a lawyer and he always advises ‘write it down with a date’ and document with photos. Just to shore up your instincts as you’re obviously concerned - I would add that I wouldn’t be risking my husband being alone with the children if this was his parenting. Legally though I don’t know how you stand but I would suggest that just in those examples you have a pretty good case to argue for restricted access when going through proper channels. Hopefully experts will be along to clarify. Best wishes

@pinkbats - thanks. I've mostly had my concerns dismissed as "very middle class" when brough up in meetings with my solicitor about the divorce. Been advised that the courts will not see these things as major problems with his parenting as they regularly see much worse, and so its best to avoid court as he'd likely get more contact than he currently has (one week day evening, 2 weekends in 4 and 6 weeks of school holiday). I'm honestly terrified of the holiday time with him, esspecially as he is planning to take them to the sea (or so the children tell me - he does not communicate his plans).

That’s y I’m asking for full custody of my ASD child he doesn’t know what to do with her never has never will