I went abroad to South America to work and met someone. We dated and it became serious too quickly. He began asking me to stay in the country I was working in which was 6000 miles away from my home and family. I wasn’t going to stay but then I fell pregnant failed by contraception. I wanted to leave before the pregnancy but after finding out I began going for my scans which were all in foreign language as I did not speak the language there. It’s a developing country and my first pregnancy, the man I was with wouldn’t pay extra
For English speaking doctors and I was unable to afford much as I was not being paid by the workplace despite challenging them for mistreatment and failing to arrange my work visa. The country is corrupt and full of bureaucracy and I had been working hard with the labour ministries to resolve those issues. I was far from my mum who I told about the pregnancy and who was over joyed. I think they thought I should stay in the country because the guy had made out to be successful and secure and there were more opportunities even though they had not been to the country themselves.
So I was pregnant, training for a second job, living with a man I’d know for 3 months and had no money after being neglected by the school I had travelled so far to work with. I eventually had an anxiety attack and the guy dealt with it by getting his parents who did not speak English to sit in the apartment for hours waiting to speak to me. I did not want to speak to them. I had mentioned wanting an abortion but it was illegal in the country. In anger I threw things around but was not violent towards the guy. The whole time he was video filming me in distress, his parents wouldn’t leave and I was beginning to disassociate from the stress. His mum called the police who spoke to me at the station through translate. The whole time my parents did not know where I was. The police officer who was speaking to me seemed to understand my distress but was actually telling the guy he should press charges and I should go to jail for saying I wanted an abortion. Eventually they sent me a women’s centre who after explaining everything too, including that I’d suffered abuse in the past and was terrified of having a baby girl they told this to the guy violating any confidentially and coerced me to going to a clinic. Because I wanted to speak to someone about the situation and the guy wanted me to go to a hotel alone because his parents said I couldn’t go back to the apartment I agreed. When I arrived it was an emergency psychiatric hospital and again using google translate I said I wanted to have an abortion and the extreme stress and harassment was making me feel suicidal. The guy pretended to be my husband and signed for me to be sectioned. I was tired at this point not eaten all day and was 14 weeks pregnant. When I tried to leave because they had stopped talking to me and just talked amongst themselves the security grabbed me. Six worker grabbed me when I saw a nurse walk towards me with a needle and medication so I tried to escape. They dragged me into the next room, the male had his arm against my throat and I couldn’t breathe. They tied my arms tightly to the bed and my ankles. They took my clothes off from me including my bra and I tried to stop them because my chest was visible. The nurse injected me with haloperidol and they left me tied to the bed for hours until I gestured that the straps were too tight and causing my arm to pulsate. They unrestrained me and I stayed on the bed with other women who had also been there and restrained. I managed to speak a few words and waited for the evaluators to arrive the next day to speak to them about being released. Usually you are there for 72 hours but the guy called my mum and told her to collect me. He went to work as usual the next day. I have never been so terrified in my life with no one to speak English to about the situation. After I spoke to doctors who spoke English the
Next morning they released me. After 18 hours. They released me because the guy had kicked me in my stomach and filmed me so had aggravated my stress.
My mum collected me and we flew home. I stayed in contact with the guy because he wanted to be a family and raise this baby. He wanted me to go back to his country after the baby so the whole pregnancy this was the plan even though I was uncomfortable and anxious.
I’ve had my baby who is beautiful and I’ve decided not to go back to the country. Every day we argue and I am scared to be alone with someone who did that to me. I feel he puts on a character around others but is another person to who he presents himself. He’s told me my body will be ready for sex soon and actually asked me three days after I’d given birth if we could have sex. He doesn’t understand me on any level and I feel crazy for keeping in contact with him for so long.
I feel harassed every day. He doesn’t care about me he just wants the baby and repeatedly tells me to go to
His country because he and his family love her with all their hearts. They’ve made me feel like a vessel for their personal wishes to have a baby. I didn’t have an abortion in the end because she was too big at 16 weeks and I’d seen her too many times during scans. I don’t regret having her but now I’m alone. My parents are supportive and helping me by letting me save money to get an apartment and I’m just finishing up my driving lessons to gain independence. But I’m angry some days because this man has said if I don’t go back in July he will start another family. I don’t tell anyone how sad I feel some days and I rarely speak about my emotions I just focus on raising a happy and healthy baby. I breastfeed I had a completely natural water birth and shower her with love. But my personal future feels dark and empty and I feel bad when I see other families together. I don’t think I will trust another man completely and I feel scarred from what happened to me. I’ve been to therapy and I think I’ll go back now that I’ve committed to staying in my own country. I just feel bad and other than taking my baby for a walk and planning my business/ doing my freelance design work when my little one naps I don’t know how to feel better. I’m going to seek legal advice at the moment he pays child support but paid nothing throughout the pregnancy and him being in my life causes me so much stress. I don’t want him near my baby I think he just insists on speaking to make a point. He didn’t prepare in any way to be a father and I don’t know how keeping in contact all her childhood via FaceTime will be beneficial to her. Sorry for the long post