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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Strange behaviour now divorce is coming to a close

24 replies

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 13:40

Hi just after a little opinion on my situation. Cut long story short - husband is divorcing me after his erratic behaviour, cheated, was nasty to me. It’s been 2 years almost since we spilt. Have a 3 year old son. He said he would burn the house before I got a penny from it, said I’d end up lonely etc. I bit my tongue left him to his rants the past year. Now suddenly he’s asking me to go for tea with him and our son, wants to pay for me and our son to go on holiday and is asking where and when and if he can come, said I can have the house he doesn’t want to argue anymore although he was arguing with himself this whole time. Cut himself off from our son for long periods of time despite me telling him he should try build some sort of bond with him and have contact with him. I’m finding it strange that after so long of him being awful and nasty to this sudden change in attitude being nice giving me everything... any thoughts whether there’s an ulterior motive behind this or has he just changed?

OP posts:

Sameoldboat78 · 17/06/2019 13:44

Has he perhaps had an emotional breakdown / depression and finally at some point taken action and got the right treatment. Either way, I would be very wary as it seems like he realises he now no longer has control of the situation and is trying to win back your good nature etc.

HollowTalk · 17/06/2019 13:47

Well, I would take the house but refuse the afternoon tea!

He's not your friend. Anyone who can kick out their child isn't a friend. If he wants to financially make things right, then don't refuse that, but that doesn't mean you have to go on holiday with him.

justilou1 · 17/06/2019 13:49

He’s been dumped and wants you back - until the next one

DPotter · 17/06/2019 13:54

Seems highly unlikely he's seen the error of his ways, so I agree with others - wouldn't trust a word he says. If he's divorcing you, his solicitor has probably spelt out the financials and he's looking to agree things 'informally', ie not in your and your child's favour.

Get financial offers in writing and get your solicitor to check everything.

Happinessbegins · 17/06/2019 13:59

I could have written that! Except we have actually been divorced for several years. My exh said exactly the same re the house too. He is acting like mr nice these days but I don’t trust him as I know how easily he can turn.

I like to think they have regrets. They know what they are missing and wish they hadn’t mistreated someone who was a decent person and partner. Too late now though.

Original poster

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 14:04

Yes everything is in the middle of of being written in consent order so I’m not worried about the house etc. It’s just his sudden change in behaviour. A few people I know seem to think he wants me back now he’s realised the grass isn’t greener. I don’t trust him. I feel there’s something bad behind this. But when he’s asking to come on holiday with me and DS it seems strange. A holiday is an intimate experience when it’s just the 3 of you. Why does he think it’s ok for us to spend so long together eating playing talking etc when we’re in the middle of divorce. I do think he had a midlife crisis. He used to be my best friend etc then so suddenly he went cold and disgraceful. Literally turned into someone I no longer recognised. The reason he’s divorcing me is coz I said I’m not paying to start a divorce with him as I have better things to pay for such as my child.

OP posts:

IABUQueen · 17/06/2019 14:11

Is he trying to get back at the OW who probably dumped him?

Original poster

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 14:25

I don’t know - he makes it clear that he lives with his mum and does not have a girlfriend. Even when I don’t ask.

OP posts:

IABUQueen · 17/06/2019 14:38

Id say trust your gut OP. His behavior does seem odd.

PicsInRed · 17/06/2019 15:16

He had OW. OW dumped him.
He's going to be out of pocket and alone doing his own laundry so he's trying his luck with stopping the divorce. Don't fall for it - at the very least, get divorced and financially settled first and never financially intermingle with him or wash his pants again, then see what he says. 🤨

Original poster

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 19:27

Yeah I thought it would be something along the lines of OW dumping him so now he’s alone again he’s realised things aren’t so great and the fact that he’s missed almost al of our sons life is hitting home. It’s just very strange from all the erratic awful behaviour and now suddenly he says I don’t want to argue anymore come for tea with us, book a holiday, the house is yours I’ll sign it all over. I spoke with one of our mutual friends other day and he pretended to look all shocked when I mentioned the above saying oh wow do you think he’s turned a leaf and he’s realised what he lost. I said 2 years too late now. The divorce he started and dragged his feet over is finally coming to an end. He seems to be wanting to hurry it along but being overly nice at the same time. Lots of please and thank yous. We’re normally I get abuse for no reason...

OP posts:

mawof3soontobe · 17/06/2019 19:28

Haven't you posted this exact post before?

Chew2 · 17/06/2019 20:26

I would be wary, my dh had a hard time with his ex from when they first seperated and continued wen she was in relationships, nobody wants her anymore so she is nice as pie, even to me but neither of us trust her. She likes to play the victim and blames all the drama on all her ex partners. Funny how it follows her around. He plays along with being 'friends' but neva gives her too much. I'm sure the next time she has a relationship the drama will start again but luckily I stay out of all of it. My advice is be cautious, if someone can be nasty once they will do it again.

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 20:33

I would be cautious and not fall for it but if he is willing to give you the entire house get your solicitor to legally word something he can sign. Unfortunately unless you've paid of the mortgage that's impossible and you already have marital home rights to the house and you get to stay there until any children turn 18

but he cannot personally give you the equity in the house unless there is something legally binding in place

Did he lovebomb you at the start
And was mr charming, it sounds like he is doing this again but don't let him win. Get something drawn up legal ASAP before he meets another new woman and changes his mind

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 20:40

How exactly is he proposing to give you the house? Has he signed something to say he wants none of the equity in it ever for the next 20years?

What if he got sick and lost his job and wanted to sell the house then?

Being married you already have marital home rights which are free you can have it added to the land registry for free so that he can't borrow against the house

but if he is willing to sign something legally binding to say he wants none of the equity in the house ever, although I'm not sure this is possible go for it!!!

What is the consent order and have you checked it's valid in divorce court

as my ex husband also said the same thing to me but my solicitor said unless the mortgage was completely paid off it's all bs as I already have a right to stay in the house legally until the children turn 18.

If it is all legit though... you also have to request for your share of his pension and then a clean break order after it's all tied up financially so you'll be free.

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 20:45

Also if he lives with his mum... that suggests he can't afford another house without selling the marital home and using his share of the equity on a deposit.

He can't force you to sell it but he also can't give it to you if the majority of it is owed by the mortgage company. Have you got a divorce solicitor dealing with it or are you sorting it out between yourselves?

Original poster

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 20:58

No we’ve agreed with solicitors that the house is to be sold and the equity is mine. None of it is his. The solicitors are drawing the order up for the court hopefully this week. He can’t afford the mortgage and neither can I alone. Plus I don’t want to live here anymore I want to buy another house without the memory of him in it. I don’t want any of his pension etc. Just the equity on the house and I’m happy. I can sustain a reasonable life myself. It’s just odd with the nice behaviour etc. How he went from one extreme telling me the house will be burned to the ground before I got a penny to him now saying it’s all mine even if I wanted the mortgage transferring solely to me. Then offering to go for tea and now a holiday. He’s already given me the money to pay a holiday upfront. And is now asking “out of curiosity” how much it would be if he came along too. I find it odd that he would want to come away with me.

OP posts:

BestZebbie · 17/06/2019 21:03

....has he just won the lottery or found out that his pension is worth four times what the house is, and is now trying to rush things through before you realise?

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 21:08

Are your buying your next house mortgage free? While he lives with his mum?

Also you are legally entitled to a share of his pension. Do you receive child support?

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 21:10

Have you considered what he has given you for a holiday is less than he will get from his pension weekly. You should be using his pension for leverage

But also just be careful because if he did lovebomb you at the start it's highly likely he is trying to fool you again in some way

mumto2babyboys · 17/06/2019 21:12

It is really difficult to get a solo mortgage and you've said you don't want to stay in the house and he can't afford to buy you out

Is his share of the equity less than he would be paying in solicitors fees?

Original poster

Hg89 · 17/06/2019 21:21

No his pension is only small. We’re only 30. Haven’t been paying pensions long enough. Equity is about 30k. I just want a clean break new house fresh start etc. I’ve already had a decision in principle and I can get a solo mortgage it’s already been discussed with the bank etc. In all honesty I’m not out the rob him. He chose to leave. So what’s his is his but the house is mine. I’m not out to take from him. Just don’t want to be screwed over. But solicitors seem to think it’s right coz it’s the deal I wanted in the first place. I do think he may be trying to be nice and win me over somehow. Especially after speaking with our friend who pretended to be shocked he was playing nice with me. There’s something someone isn’t telling me. Even his sisters have started asking for contact with our DS after 2 years of being non existent which is all on their part. I’ve never once stopped them. They just didn’t bother until recently.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 17/06/2019 21:34

He needs off the mortgage?

He thinks you've inherited loads of money

justilou1 · 18/06/2019 08:50

I would head for the hills... I reckon he’s got big, burly creditors after him and no one else will put up with his shit.

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