Escaping domestic abuse

[Theworldcouldbemymollusc]

After a long marriage I need to get out. I can’t carry on like this I’m heading for a breakdown. No-one will believe it - he is clever and people think we are a perfect couple. But he breaks my heart and then blames me. I’ve fucked up my life and that of my kids.

Hey, I don’t have any experience of DV but I did (eventually) leave and divorce my exH who was emotionally abusive.

I understand the guilt, but please don’t think you’ve fucked up. If it’s anything like my situation it was something that became apparent over a long period, by which time you are balls deep in marriage, kids, shared finances and don’t want it to be true.

My exH is also very clever, and very clever at image management.

I just wanted to say there is light on the other side, but I’m not going to sugar coat and say it will be easy - but it is most definitely possible. My (and my kid’s life) is improved - we have a very peaceful and happy home. Financially it can be a struggle and exH still finds ways to try and provoke me, but ultimately it is 100% worth it.

Find and accept support wherever you can.

Sending hugs.

P.s. meant to say as well that you looking after your mental well-being is the most important thing you can do for your kids. It also took me nearly having a breakdown to get out. As my GP said “you have to put on your own oxygen mask first” - you need to be the sane and stable parent and you can only do that if you look after yourself and that means removing yourself from the situation that’s causing the damage.

Thanks Pana. I feel so low and stressed I feel like I’m not sure what’s true anymore.

I am just coming to the end of my divorce from a Narcissistic Emotionally Abusive partner. You need to surround yourself with supportive people and make a plan. Get a solicitor sorted early and get some advice. You will so relieved when you have started the process. The children will quickly adjust and ultimately be much happier with you being yourself and happy.

No-one will believe it - he is clever and people think we are a perfect couple

It’s completely normal for abusers to be “charming” and for other people to think they’re perfect

Im almost 11 free of my emotionally abusive husband, and my nisi is coming next week. Its hard, really hard to break free but its the best thing I ever did

11 months that should say!

Same here. Clever emotionally abusive and externally charming. No one believes it because he told everyone I am just crazy. You are no more crazy than me and I ain't mad whatever he tells em. Be strong. Don't expect it to stop when you leave. Now getting that fun via teens who know no different... God luck

Oh god. So depressing.

Im 2.5 years seperated from emotionally abusive ex. Typical charmer on outside but sneaky and manipulative gaslighter behind closed doors.

Even though now he still tries hard to make my life difficult through our dc, i am sooooo glad to be free of him. The future feels bright now. With him i felt i was in a dark hole with no way out.
Good luck op. You can do this.

Having a wobble today. Don’t think I’ve got the strength.

Is it worth speaking to your gp? I actually had counselling and some antidepressants whilst i was on the run up to our separation. I just felt overwhelmed by it all and it just helped me feel calmer and able to think straight.

You CAN do it. It takes strength but fight for a better future for you and your kids.