Help needed. Can my husband do this?!

[Emerald4512]

Hi all,

Currently seperated from husband with the aim to divorce. We have an 8 month old baby together.

He is currently demanding that when I buy him out, he is to get 50% of the equity and 3 nights and 3 days with our son.

My solicitor has stated that this wouldnt be the case due to having a child involved and he wouldn't get 3.nights due to the age of the child.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation? How did you overcome it?

Thank you! X

Do you think that his demands about access to the baby are a way of limiting any maintenance payments he might have to pay you? Would it be practical for him to have that amount of access?

My DH got 50/50 of his son when the son was 1yr old. They had 4 days in a row each. Nothing to do with maintenance for my DH as he still had to pay it, he just wanted to be with his son as much as possible. He doesn't pay now but did for a good few years. DSS in now 8 and its still 50/50.

OP that actually sounds like quite a reasonable suggestion to me. As for your solicitor stating that he wouldn't get 3 nights due to the age of the child, well, your child will likely be 1.5 or 2 by the time the divorce is finalised anyway.

Yes he's doing it to pay less child maintenance.

The back story to this is that he tied me into big things about a month before he told me that he didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a year. We remorgaged the house, took on a 10k car loan and agreed for me to go on a part time contract of 2 days. I'm now struggling financially and he is paying the minimum for his son and is refusing to pay half towards childcare.

OP it's really hard I know, and whilst these things he has done are extremely hurtful and selfish, u fortunately they are a completely separate issue from him seeing his child.

My ex has mine 50/50. I hate it, struggle when they're not here and resent feeling like a part time parent. On top of this he can be a total arse.

BUT - it's the children's right to have that time with their dad. If I ask them - they're happy with the arrangement. I get that yours is still just a baby, but honestly - the courts will look at the best interests of the child (not the parents) and unless you can prove he's an unfit parent ( and I'm talking serious allegations here) then the starting point is usually 50:50, though not sure about when they're so young.

If you take it to court you'll end up resentful, angry and in debt. Much much better if you can (if possible) put your anger to one side temporarily and agree arrangements between you. I agree that 60:40 seems reasonable.

Sorry. I know it's hard!

How long did it take you to adapt to the time without your children @seahorse85?

Quite a while. I still struggle from time to time. Having said that, mine were older- my youngest was 3 and my oldest was 8.

As I met someone else I appreciated the time to occasionally do things with him.

The best advice I can give you is to try and use your child free time to do something for you - a hobby, catch up with friends etc - and I also made sure I did chores whilst he had them- such as shopping, cleaning etc - so that my time with them was quality time.

Yes great advice, thank you x