my husband and I met 20 years ago and were married 2 years later. We have 3 children together, 16, 14 & 12.
I am a housewife, and he’s in full time employment. he isn’t earning a massive wage but we do get by. we live in a property with a mortgage, apart from the mortgage we have no other debt.
At first we were very happy together but over the years we have drifted apart.
he changed from a Man I loved and could have fun with into an opinionated irrational man whose expectations are often unrealistic.
he’s never been violent towards me or the children, but he has always been controlling and grumpy, often shouting at the kids for so much as speaking and pressuring them to do well at school.
I have always turned a blind eye to his behaviour, partly through fear of causing his temper to flare and partly because living like this somehow became normality. We always brushed it under the carpet, but I’ve reached a stage where the kids are older and I feel we would be happier on our own.
We have drifted apart over time and are no longer intimate. We share the same bed, but no longer have a sex life.
Lately we have been arguing a lot. I have began standing up to him and telling him how I feel. I have reached a point where I just want to be happy and I know we will never achieve that together.
I’ve told my husband I want a divorce, but he wants to fight to save our marriage. he thinks in time I can learn to forgive him for all the years of putting up with his irrational behaviour. He also thinks he can change his ways.
we are still living together in the hope we can work through things but in my heart I know it’s over. I am only staying and trying so that he can’t throw it in my face down the line that I refused to try and fix our marriage.
he says if we do divorce he can’t afford to leave me and the children here, pay the mortgage and move out and rent a place for himself (which he couldn’t, his earnings are too low). he said the only option would be for us to sell up and split the equity (around £30,000 estimated) giving us both enough to furnish somewhere new.
He wants us to remain amicable for the kids sake and I absolutely agree. He also suggested we do the divorce paperwork ourselves to avoid hefty solicitors fees which neither of us could afford. he’s suggested we do everything without a solicitor using free help like citizens advice to guide us.
I am terrified at the prospect of starting again somewhere new with 3 kids, no career or savings.
How Would I cope? How Would we survive?
I know I can’t stay with him for financial reasons, I’d go insane trying. I just want to be happy and be able to provide for my children.
Has anyone been through this?
Where do I start? What do I do?
Any help and advice will be greatly appreciated.