DD's father being difficult

[middlediddle]

Hi all.

So this might be long, but please bear with me, as I feel like I am being ripped apart.

DD1 has always been feisty and aggressive at times, but over the years has calmed down hugely. She has really knuckled down and is studying hard for her GCSE's. Last weekend whilst at her dads house, she punched dd2 (12) on the arm, and he has now labelled her as "abusive" and a bully. As I said, she can be opinionated and aggressive, but certainly not the words he has used.

Bottom line is, he has emailed and said he doesn't want to see her until after her GCSE's and then when they are over wants to speak to her about her behaviour. She doesn't want to see him either.

So, 1. can he refuse to see her and 2. now she has reached 16, can she refuse to see him.

He has also said that if DD2 wants to come over, I will have to drive her there as 1. he has torn his achilles, and 2. his wife is so upset by all this she won't pick her up. They live 45 minutes away. Where do I stand with this??

The court order states 50/50 split of parenting responsibility, but he has them 35% and I have them 65%, so if he sees her even less, then where do I stand? Do I ask him for more child maintenance?

I have contacted a solicitor but am aware this will not give me a quick response, so am really hoping someone can help.

My ex wants to meet up this week with his wife and my dh to discuss, so I am hoping to have an idea of where I stand legally.
Thank you.x

In a nutshell, dd can decide at 16. And at 12 the other can get the bus.
Shame your exh didn't damage something much worse....
But I am sure you feel the same!!
Wouldn't be meeting up with such a knob either.

Go back to court and get access amended to what he actually does (show proof) so you can get child support.

Thank you for replying.

I just cannot believe he has chosen in the middle of GCSE's to kick off like this. I am so angry with him.

He is such an ar&&hole. My dh detests him.

Thanks Teddybear. Something has to give, as at the moment it is all one-sided. I have a calendar from last year all marked with when the girls were with me.

He really has blown it I think with dd1. She is not an angel by any stretch, but to call her behaviour bullying and abusive is sickening.

Hang on, she punched her younger sister, you said yourself she's aggressive - she sounds exactly like a bully.

Your ex's behaviour however is crap.

She punched her on the arm once.

When I say aggressive, I mean more verbally in the way she comes across. And not all the time. She has never done anything physically aggressive.

Your mad at your exh for having boundaries? And not accepting this behaviour.
You didn't witness her out burst so you don't know how bad it was especially as it seems you've taken her side and not the side of the 12 year old who got hurt.

She wasn't hurt by it at all poweroverme. And I am not taking sides at all. If anything, I am more supportive/protective of my younger daughter.

To be fair you don’t seem to accept she is physically violent. That is what she has done. That is a step beyond just bullying.
Her verbal aggression is bullying.

You need to accept your daughter has been violent. Could have done it before and not been caught, could do it again. What if she does it to someone outside the family in a year or two.

I don’t think your ex husbands actions protect his younger daughter but that might be what he wants to talk about. Protecting the younger one who the older one hit. He doesn’t want someone hitting his daughter.

Older child hits younger 12 YO. That’s abusive and bullying.

Not condoning dads behaviour - he needs to step up and parent. Not walk away from the problem.

You can’t force him to see the kids, your responsibility is to make them available.

At 16 the CO stops standing and the child is old enough to decide if they want contact to take place.

Regarding maintenance - go through the CMS if you don’t agree.

Pick ups & drop offs - IMO should be shared. If you are unwilling, 12 YO can get the bus / train.

What northernspirit has said
Be very careful that your daughter doesn’t become more than you can handle.
It’s best she’s in one place till she finishes her exams.I know some might not agree with me but in this case he should step away to protect himself as well.
Don’t even think you should meet up for now everyone’s upset ,bet it will go badly with your partners around for support.