Dating after seperation/divorce

[Emerald4512]

Hi all,

Just wondered how soon/long after people starting dating after a seperation/divorce? Any tips or words of wisdom? Xx

I just wanted to say, it's 18 months since I told my XH I wanted a divorce and I haven't dated or even vaguely tried to yet. He was emotionally abusive and also spent 20 years saying I was fat and ugly, so despite being able to see in the mirror that this is not the case, I'm still a bit nervous about the whole thing. Whereas my lovely friend was told by the OW about her H's affair and was having amazing 'holiday sex' a month later and is dating happily now... Different horses for different courses.

(Also- how do you date if not by meeting someone in a pub?!! I think at 41 I'm a bit old for internet dating and not sure '41 and 3 kids' is that big a sell )

I guess it depends when you feel ready to move on, and that will be different for everyone. I am late 40s. I kindof liked internet dating as it allows you to get used to chatting to guys without spending time with anyone and so weedle out wierdos without having to escape through the ladies... My new dp had been single several years, me only six months, I don't think either is right or wrong...

Thanks both. My husband left me and my 6 month old son 8 weeks ago. I'm not ready to date now but the idea is starting to excite me. Xx

Be careful with online dating it can be brutal.

Keep your boundaries and your standards high.

Mine are so high I'm still single

I also found myself single with a baby after 2 years of marriage and 10 years together. I waited for a year till ds was nearly 2. Partly because ds was breastfeeding and coslept and partly I felt that having a year with no dating would be a good idea. It also helped that ex was such an idiot from when I was that the “in love” stuff had pretty much died and finding about his affair was almost a relief. So I didn’t have a huge heartbreak to get over as I had already mourned for the loss of exH before we split. I did have a little look on online dating around the 6 month mark but didn’t put a profile up or anything. I just wanted to know there were one or two men who looked reasonably ok to make me feel a bit positive! I’m so glad I left it a year though and it meant I really focused on mine and my sons life and getting our new home sorted etc. It meant I was confident in what I had to offer and wasn’t willing to settle for anyone who wasn’t in a settled place in their lives.

A few years on I also got some counselling (I found someone who was training and near the end of her degree - she was great and cheap!). It helped to feel I had really put things to rest.

I think give it plenty of time then dip a toe into online dating - be aware it’s a big roller coaster and takes a fair bit of energy! See dates as date zero or a quick meet up to see if you like each other, not a “first date” - just keep them to a coffee or couple of drinks rather than a meal etc. I did quite a few in the day, coffee at a garden centre or something.

And join the dating thread on here - it helps so so much to chat to others going through the same things and I’ve made some good friends in real life who are in similar positions to me which is so nice when most people you know are happily coupled.

I met some really nice and interesting men (a couple of idiots but nothing awful or that I couldn’t suss our fairly early on!) and had fun dating then met DP and we have been together 3.5 years.

Sorry, my post should say I waited a year from leaving exH to beginning dating and that exH was an idiot from when I found out I was pregnant! This phone is making me look illiterate 🤦🏻‍♀️😂.