Hi All
Just wondering if anyone has any advice re my situation. I’ve seen a solicitor who thinks either scenario is a possibility - about to suggest/push for mediation with ex but would like at least an idea as to what I’d like to achieve before starting it ( although aware might not get it!).
Situation is married 11 years together 20, usual ex had affair moved out last year. He took 10 years out of work to follow his dream, so I am the higher earner. He has no pension for those years. I am quasi public sector so good pension. I accept he will no doubt get half and have made my peace with this.
Atm I have the kids other than e/o weekend and he comes to the house 2 evenings. He has indicated I would continue to have the kids majority of the time ( so not looking at 50/50 - at the most 5/14 I’d guess until they are older ( his choice). His dream meant he was away for extensive periods so I’ve always been responsible for the kids care.
Kids are 4 and 7. Eldest has just been diagnosed SN and finds change very difficult - I am probably going to have to drop my hours a little to accommodate.
My salary is not going to increase unless I move jobs - atm need to stay where I am to manage after school care etc. His salary is increasing so we are getting much nearer to parity on salaries.
House in a very expensive area. Interest only mortgage. Significant equity in the property (3/4 equity). I currently pay mortgage and bills etc, he makes a contribution to kids.
I couldn’t afford to buy him out, even though I can afford to run the house. I’m going to struggle to get somewhere with a bedroom for each of the kids in the area. Am really loathe to move out of area though due to kids stability ( eldest has severe anxiety), in particular school where just getting in place adjustments for my eldest. Also because I have worked hard to build a bit of a network of support here myself. May need to consider move once we get nearer to secondary.
What I’m struggling with is whether to go for getting ex to agree to me staying in the house for 3 years, then move with an eye on secondary or to just go for a sale now. 3 years would hopefully give my eldest time to adapt, get help and settle down ( he is starting to improve). Would have to agree to let ex still come to the house during the week for bedtime though - which I’d prefer not but could live with.
Or am I better just biting the bullet and selling now - and hoping I can get somewhere in this area even if it is really small? Is the 3 years really me just putting off the inevitable substantial change in my lifestyle?
I’m 43 so also worrying about getting a mortgage etc the longer I leave it.
As an aside ex will not move the process forward at all so I will have to push this ( even though he has his new partner). He just says he is happy for things to stay like this indefinitely. I’m really struggling with sorting everything out for my eldest plus working full time and the kids - so pushing the divorce is another big thing to add to the load ( although necessary!).
Sorry so long - I have no family support so finding it difficult to work our what to do for the best.