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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Emotional Manipulation

6 replies

AloneLonelyLoner · 22/05/2019 10:10

Hi All, maybe I'm just venting. I just feel I'm going mad. I've told my husband of 20 years that I want to separate. I'm utterly miserable and have been for years. So of course now he's sad. I get that. I do. I've stayed with him so long because of our children. He knows this. We've been through this discussion on countless occasions over the years. Now our kids are crying constantly, he's saying emotionally manipulative things to them when I'm not there- such as I'll leave them if we can't pretend like we're a normal family and that they have to make me happy. That they have to choose between us. The list goes on. I feel desperate and sad. Part of me feels we should stay together and he can be happy and the kids will be ok. But it makes me want to die. I feel sad and suicidal at the thought of spending more of my life with him. But the thought that I hurt my kids by leaving , leaves me desperately sad also and I'm so angry. I feel like a trapped animal, like I can't breathe. I don't know what to do. I can't go on.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 22/05/2019 10:11

How old are the kids

AloneLonelyLoner · 22/05/2019 10:18

11, 7 and 4

OP posts:
Seapoint2002 · 22/05/2019 10:35

You should separate, be the best mum you can be and the children will see you happier and benefit from that. They will work out who is the good person given time. Your husband is throwing the proverbial kitchen sink at you to try and make you feel guilty and stay with him. Make a plan and picture the end goal you want to achieve.

mynamechangemyrules · 22/05/2019 13:53

You keep a mantra of what you want the kids to know and keep repeating it to them and to yourself. In time, they will see it all for what it is, but you cannot open their eyes for them. So be consistently loving and supportive and they will come to terms with it and discover his manipulation in time.

'Mummy and daddy both love you very much, but I don't want to live together anymore' (or probably some better phrase sourced from the internet! But you get the idea! Keep sending out love to them and allow them to feel absolved if any blame which they may feel)

AloneLonelyLoner · 22/05/2019 19:39

Thank you so much for your replies. It helps. I just feel like I'm on some hamster wheel or something and I can't get off and the whole time my kids are suffering.

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 24/05/2019 05:28

How dare he have done this to them

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