Mutual friends

[Pinkpanthershow]

I am in the process of a horrible divorce and feeling it hard to deal with mutual friends who are keen not to take sides. I get where they are coming from and presumably they mean well but sometimes it feels like refusing to take sides means they are condoning bad behaviour.
In my case, my ex has been so bullying towards me and our son found out we were divorcing when his dad woke him up at night to tell him. I ended up having to call the police.
It saddens me that mutual friends don’t seem to think that this matters as I want my son to know it was wrong and bullies don’t win.

So you want people to only think or do what you want them to think or do? Erm...that's called bullying too. Let people make their own choices

Pink I can really understand where your coming from and your about to find out who your real friends are.

Keep your circle small with good friends to support you. It’s shit but the fall out of divorce touches everything

The friends are not privy to the circumstances of the divorce. They are trying to remain neutral because they have no reason not to be. YMost people don't remain neutral, they end up spending time with one more that the other. In my circumstances, all his friends went wright him ( I'd ended up with none of my friends still around as he didn't like them) I made new friends, and rekindled old relationships. Find your own people. You need support, not Switzerland

The reality is you loose friends, we have a lot of couple friends who we got to know through his work, nobody knows yet but I can imagine we simply will not get invited or only him.

Thanks, you are right and it is inevitable that friendships will change, and I do need to have good friends around me.
I was finding the idea of friends staying neutral tough, totally agree I don’t need Switzerland neutrality!
Adjusting to the new life going forward is hard, and probably hard for mutual couple friends too. I would never want to tell them how to think and they will do what they want anyway.
My ex puts on good show in public and so people really don’t know what he is like in private. It doesn’t seem fair that there are no consequences for his behaviour but I am going to believe that it will catch up with him eventually.

pink i lost a lot of mutual friends when exDH and I split up. in our case they were his friends originally.
I grieved for a bit but realised, along with another poster, that you soon find out who your friends are.

Ir really aggrieved me to see some closer friends and family say friends with him on social media. Big time. It was as though they were diminishing my experience and expanding greater energy on him.

My mum will say it's for kids... and she has a point. .

Anyway, we're a couple of years down the road and looking back I had some of his friends on pedestals (my own codependency right there) and there wasnt much substance with a lot of them. So, no major loss.

His own behaviour will be his downfall, as i am finding out. All in good time.

I understand your pain and anger but very gently, you need to make this about where you want to go and do and be, not where you have come from (if that makes sense)

It absolutely WILL make you feel better and stronger. Promise x

Thank you Sourdoh - good advice. People will see who he is eventually but I should just focus on me, my life and my relationship with my son.

You have to be prepared to lose a lot of friends, for various reasons too. However you need to realise those you lose weren't true friends in the first place. However you may just find a few true friends that you didnt know about!