Separation - where to start?

[Ketzele]

Can anyone point me to any resources to help me plan a separation?

Brief details: we've been together over 20 years, two children, we own the house jointly. My dp has not worked for some years - also does very little childcare and no housework. (The reasons for this are complex.)

The impact on me and the children has been immense and I simply cannot continue like this.

I work full time and pay the mortgage and all the bills. This is tight because we took on the mortgage with two incomes. I am in debt and can't afford to support dp living elsewhere.

Ideally I would like to stay in the house and keep the kids in their schools. If we sell the house we won't be able to afford two flats in the area. Dp comes from a wealthy family but is financially dependent on me and, I suspect, will refuse to move out.

Where do I start? Is it absolutely necessary to use a solicitor?

I think it might be a case of sell all assets, pay off debt and see what is left. If your DP is dependent on you, you will probably be required to give him money, regardless of who earned it.

Hi Ketzele,

I'm in a very similar position to you, but a little further on. I have 2 children, work full time, pay all the bills, have lots of debts etc. My STBXH does work now but was the main carer when they were little but the DC and I see very little of that.....

So. I had a free 30 mins with a solicitor who advised me to agree finances and contact with DC between us without using a solicitor, having to go to court etc. We've just about managed that. I went to see a mortgage broker and was pleased to find out I can buy him out. So we're remortgaging, paying off the debts, then I'm giving him 50% of the remaining equity. He will then move out and rent somewhere locally and the plan is we co-parent.

Either of us can take the other to court at any point in the future if we no longer can agree, despite whatever we've agreed now. Hopefully he won't though. Although he won't be paying any child maintenance as such as we're sharing care, I don't expect he'll contribute towards after school care costs, school uniforms, swimming lessons, school trips etc, even though I'll ask him to. I will just need to accept this and budget for it.

As the solicitor said, going to court can cost £20k plus. So it's worth letting a few things go for the sake of remaining amicable got the children, also the costs of taking it to court.

I hope this helps. I would try to keep it amicable if at all possible ( sometimes it's not) as this will save a lot if you can work it out between yourselves.