Would be grateful for a sense check and some advice as to how to proceed. DH has two children, aged 12 and 8, from his first marriage. The divorce was very acrimonious and ended up in court for both finances and child arrangements. Three years later, sadly, the relationship between DH and his ex hasn't improved at all - if anything, it's got worse. They only communicate via text or email because they often argue if they meet face-to-face or talk on the phone. She takes weeks to reply to emails and often doesn't reply at all, even to acknowledge receipt. After she ignored one time-sensitive message he sent her (about one of the children receiving medical treatment), he tried sending her a message via WhatsApp, and she responded by blocking him on WhatsApp and sending him an email saying she will only speak to him via text or email, nothing else. Term-time contact involves dropping off and picking up from school, and holiday handovers involve the children walking out of the house and into the car without the other parent, so we manage to avoid conflict in front of the children.
So, things are very difficult.
During term-time, DH has the children for 5 nights a fortnight (so, an average of 2.5 nights a week). The Child Arrangements Order says that holidays are to be divided equally between the parties, and contains stipulations about alternate Christmases and Easter Sundays. However, all it says about the summer holidays is that they are to be divided equally, with the dates to be agreed by the parties at least 4 weeks in advance.
We have been trying for months to agree contact for the summer holidays, and DH's ex keeps rejecting our proposals. In previous years, by mutual agreement, each parent has had a 2-week stint each, then a 1-week stint. This year, we would like to have the children for 15 nights (rather than 14) in the first block, with one night less in the second block, to facilitate taking them on a family holiday with the extended family (aunt/uncle/cousin and paternal grandparents, plus me/DH/our child, who is the children's half-brother). The holiday would be in the UK. Due to the logistics, and the timing of our annual leave, it will be difficult to make it work unless we have 15 nights (rather than 14). DH's ex has refused because she says the children don't like being away from her for more than 2 weeks at a time. The children have had a 14-day stint with us before, including a similar family holiday, and enjoyed it. On a practical level, I can't see how 15 nights is any different from 14, and our sense is that she is being obstructive for the sake of it to try and ruin our holiday. If she refuses to agree to us having the children for a 15-night stretch to allow a family holiday, should we go back to court? If so, should we seek a Specific Issue Order about the holiday, or would it be better to request a new Child Arrangements Order which is more prescriptive about holiday contact to avoid future arguments? I realise that we could just back down and not go on the holiday, but it feels like going on a family holiday would be in the children's best interests, and if we back down this year it will set a precedent that she can muck up our holiday plans by refusing to allow reasonable contact proposals.
Would be grateful for others' thoughts - thanks. And before anyone points out that, as the stepmum, I should keep out of it - DH specifically asked me to post about this on Mumsnet because he can't find any equivalent dads' groups!