After a long marriage how do you get over them, struggling

[VivaVegas]

Together 20 years, now separated after months of him behaving appallingly.
He wanted the split, I didn't and I tried everything to save things, he did nothing.
Now I am sorting out asset valuations, have a solicitor, looking at houses etc etc. He is doing nothing (again!) won't even get a solicitor. DC involved so NC not possible but it's as little as it can be given their age and not in person.
Despite all this I am struggling to get us/him/ what I thought we had, the future I thought I had out of my head. I'm just surrounded by the thoughts and the sadness of what I've lost.
I'm having counselling, I'm using my time without the DC (which I absolutely detest and have posted about that separately with mixed responses!) to exercise, see friends, rest etc. When I'm with the DC we do things, it's nice but I wish we were doing them as a family.
How the hell do I get out of how I feel and find some pleasure in what I have? How do I forget about him and not care anymore? And why is he just sitting back doing nothing?
I know I need to start a new different life and feel grateful for what I have but I'm just struggling and feel like I'm going through the motions. I just miss him so much, I also miss our family.
Is that normal, do I just carry on as I am and it will get better/easier at some point?
I had an awful summer last year because of him, I love summer and want to enjoy it.

Unfortunately it just takes time, there isn't a magical panacea for that.
Your hopes for the future have been taken away, and it also taints your past.
Carry on forming your new life, connect with people, things, places.
Over time it eases, but the process isn't easy.
I feel for you, and wish you well.

Thos are normal emotions. In my divorce after 20 years I wanted it but I could understand how hard it was for my husband who didn't so I can certainly sympathise with you. May be he's changed his mind? Have you asked him?

If I you want to drive the process on then send him a draft divorce petition from your solicitor with say a 7 day deadline to comment on eg unreasonable behaviour allegations which he is likely to accept and your solicitor says will meet the legal criteria. Then serve the petition on hism. He cannot not do anything in the process. Are you still living together? Mine lived here for the 7 months it took right through to decree absolute and money transfer to him and house put in my name (he got 60% as I earn more) but I wqas able to remortgage to keep the house and the children in their home so that was easier for the family.

At least he has the children. Mine never once since we divorecd took them all away even for one night (not all at once) and mostly didn't see most of them and only saw the youngest 2 for about 2 hours at the weekend. As we both work full time I could have done with a lot more - 50% would have been wonderful although I accept that is not how you feel.

We aren't living together and he won't talk (which is partly why we are in this mess).
I messaged him to ask him why he wasn't doing anything and was it because it wasn't what he wanted anymore. As expected no reply.
His approach to everything is avoid/deny/run away.