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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

He refused me nominal spousal maintenance and claims his lawyer never mentioned it?

28 replies

JanisJoplin73 · 09/05/2019 23:02

He has a well paid job but no savings and has debts. I have assets but haven’t worked in a long time and have young children one with autism. My lawyer was shocked he refused even £1 a year nominal spousal maintenance and also only agreed to have child support written into consent order after being persuaded. He is now trying to reconcile with me ( to some extent) following financial settlement and when I said I was shocked he refused me that despite how difficult it would be for me to claim except in very hard circumstances and considering our child’s needs he claims his lawyer never mentioned it? Could this be true?

OP posts:
itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 10/05/2019 04:29

Were you married a long time? Why do you think your entitled to spousal maintenance? X

marcopront · 10/05/2019 04:31

How old is your child?
Why don't you work?

Tavannach · 10/05/2019 04:52

How old is your child?
Why don't you work?

Are you here to answer the question?
Or to judge the OP?

OP, it doesn't seem very likely that his lawyer wouldn't have mentioned it but I suppose it might be possible. You could ask your lawyer for clarification of the correspondence between them.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 10/05/2019 05:20

young children one with autism

Someone can't read.

Wishing you luck in the future OP - personally I would not be considering getting back with this man - he has shown his true colours.

Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 10/05/2019 07:13

It’s only nominal spousal
Maintenance I.e £1 a year! I do t work because we agreed I’d give up work to look after children and I loved initially for his career. I have an 18 month old and a 4 year old with autism who demands every minute of my time.

OP posts:
Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 10/05/2019 07:14

I think he’s lying but I hoped a lawyer might clarify whether a solicitor would have to put it to him if they had been asked to include it!

OP posts:
donajimena · 10/05/2019 07:18

Isn't nominal spousal so that you can go back for further money if their circumstances change? Its really rare for judges to agree to that I believe so maybe its only 1.00 per year but it has the potential to be a lot more.

Farahilda · 10/05/2019 07:30

Spousal maintenance is really only given as a temporary measure these days, to give support for those returning to work after a period at home (typically ending their time as a SAHM) and it could be for a few years to cover time to retrain and initial re-entry to the workforce. Or to older women, who ought be be able to start work again but in practice wouid find it extremely hard to secure employment, essentially tiding them over for a few years until (shared) pension kicks. Or perhaps if someone is incapacitated and unable to work at all or only in a very limited way, depending very much on individual circumstances.

Your STBX is being an arse. Assuming you are in any of the UK jurisdictions, child support is a legal obligation, so his attitude simply shows how difficult he intends to make all this. Don't cave just because he's playing hardball. Have your lawyer stand up for you.

Soontobe60 · 10/05/2019 07:32

Op, you say you have assets and he has debt. So why do you think he should give you money for yourself?

Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 10/05/2019 07:54

He also didn’t want the child maintenance to be included in the consent order and only agreed when pressed by my lawyer. I think he did this because it would be a way to control me and make sure I stayed “kind” to him.

OP posts:
PattyCow · 10/05/2019 08:07

To be honest it doesn't matter if the child maintenance is in or not. After a year either of you can go through CMS and have the amount amended.

Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 10/05/2019 08:40

That’s worrying Patty Cow? It’s not really about that though it’s more about the dishonesty I suspect and the hesitancy. Maybe I’m posting in the wrong section. I’m just really ambivalent about things.

OP posts:
Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 10/05/2019 08:40

Thanks for taking time to reply.

OP posts:
ScreamScreamIceCream · 10/05/2019 09:39

OP I was going to add he isn't probably lying on this occasion about spousal maintenance. As spousal maintenance isn't now normal except for cases as a PP outlined then his lawyer wouldn't need to bring it up.

Likewise as you can go to the CMS for maintenance after a year, unless he is a very high earner e.g. earns more than £100K not just well paid, then child maintenance is can be excluded from the consent order.

I suggest you try and get a decent amount of child maintenance out if him and be prepared to go back to court if necessary to keep it.

Also aren't your assets joint as you are still married?

marcopront · 11/05/2019 06:43

*How old is your child?
Why don't you work?

Are you here to answer the question?
Or to judge the OP?*

I was trying to get more information, which might help answer the question. And yes I made a mistake of asking about child not children.
If the children are all school age, it makes a difference.
If she doesn't work because she is a full time cater to the child who has autism, it makes a difference.

Pppppppp1234 · 11/05/2019 06:49

OP please google the 12 month rule with consent orders and CMS.... as previous posters have said after 12 months your ex can go to the CMS and have the maintenance changed so it’s based off his income and on the amount of time he sees DC (over nights). I’d work out how much this is so if he does go to CMS then you know how much to account for.

Dropthedeaddonkey · 11/05/2019 10:31

I don’t think it matters if his solicitor mentioned it or not. The fact is he has shown you he does not intend to financially support you or the children if he can avoid it. Even though with a disabled child that may leave you only able to do school hours work or live on carers allowance. Assume you are on your own. Make sure getting all DLA, tax credits, carers etc benefits you are entitled to and perhaps trade off the spousal for you keeping your assets and him paying his debts. Does he have a pension you can claim on? It’s entirely possible for parents to walk away from the caring and financial responsibilities of disabled children it’s happened to me and others. They go back to living a life which isn’t dictated by being a carer and leave you to do two peoples work. You will get CM as he’s highly unlikely to want to compromise his career or earnings by having childcare responsibilities during the week. All you can do is argue for a bigger share of assets and take any help on offer. I don’t think I could take someone back who had shown their true colours like this.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 11/05/2019 12:51

Why would he agree to leave nominal spousal maintenance in? All that does is give you a never-ending right to keep coming back to him for more money. It's perfectly reasonable for him to seek a clean break instead, and - as you say - you got all the assets and he got all the debt. So you've already had your payoff.

The child maintenance is completely academic, since the consent order can be overturned after a year by either one of you applying to the CMS. And, if it's not in there, you can apply to the CMS at any time.

There's no suggestion that he's actually trying to get out of paying child maintenance, so I really don't think he's been unreasonable. Most people want a clean break after a divorce.

SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 11/05/2019 12:56

Oh, and it is emminently possible that nomjnal spousal maintenance was never explicitly discussed with his solicitor. If his solicitor and he agreed the principle that they were seeking a clean break, the solicitor would have acted on the basis of that instruction. So they woukd have said no when yours raised it. If yours didn't push to make it a sticking point, it's quite possible that this would never have needed explicit discussion.

notapizzaeater · 11/05/2019 12:57

Courts don't like spousal maintenance - can you go back to work when your DS starts school ?

SnapesGreasyHair · 11/05/2019 13:04

To be honest it doesn't matter if the child maintenance is in or not. After a year either of you can go through CMS and have the amount amended.

I was in the same situation. My solicitor wanted nominal maintenance as my son is autistic but XH refused. We kept going back and forth... racking up the solicitor fees... in the end l gave in BUT....

I have child maintenance written in my consent order for ds1, for life if needed and neither of us can go to CMS as an undertaking was written in that we wouldn't. So if he stops paying l can take him back to court anyway

ScreamScreamIceCream · 11/05/2019 17:52

@notapizzaeater the OP has an autistic child so maintenance is needed for that child as long as possible whether the OP or some other person cares for that child even when they are an adult.

@SnapesGreasyHair what happens when your ex-husband retires? It's common for ex-spouses - normally ex-husbands - to go back to court to get spousal maintenance stopped or reduced when they retire so won't your ex do the same over child maintenance? After all if his income is greatly reduced due to retirement then he cannot pay it, and your can't get something out of someone if they simply don't have it.

notapizzaeater · 11/05/2019 18:14

@ScreamScreamIceCream I saw that, I too have an autistic child but managed school hours once he went to school. As wouldn't have been able to get after school / holiday cover. It's getting harder and harder to get SM now.

OP what's your solicitor said ?

Original poster
JanisJoplin73 · 11/05/2019 18:22

Solicitor thinks him not wanting child maintenance in consent order was a bit unusual particularly considering my circumstances. My husband encouraged me to not work when we had kids and now it’s hard for me to go back for a few years. It’s more that I’m trying to sort out my feelings about him and think he hasn’t been that honest. I have no claim on his pension .

OP posts:
ScreamScreamIceCream · 11/05/2019 22:33

OP you need to claim his pension if it is worth something. You cannot live on air as an OAP.