Do finances always split 50/50?

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I'm currently in a "trial" spearation from DH. He left the family home about 2 months ago. I don't want to go into all the ins and outs, but I think that divorce is the best outcome for me and the children.

I am trying to plan ahead, and get a feel for what the future finances will be like. In summary, I have 3 DC all at primary school. One has dignosed autism, another is on the way to being diagnosed and the third has a bit of a questions about it, but I tend to think not actually autisitc, just has a few traits. Anyhow, I'm raising at least one disabled DC. I also have a degenerative disability myself, and thouth I am quite able now, I won't always be.

I am/was the main earner (it's about even now but for the most of the marriage I was the main earner), I limited my working hours and progression to support his career, I limited my work and progression to look after the DC (so I've got more the of the "homemaker" side of the relationship too). House is in my name only, because he could not get a mortgage.

At the moment, he sees the DC once in the week and every other Sunday. He doesn't do overnights. One DC tends to refuse to see him, and has only done one Sunday with him since he left. Ongoing, I can't imagine him doing more than one day in the week after school and EOW. In the holidays, so far he has done one day out of 3 weeks. He is not very involved...

I understand that this is all a bit irrelevant, and that things will get split 50/50 anyway. Is this always the case? It would be better for the DC if I could keep the house, at least until they leave school, for stability. Ideally, as I look after them and might need more care/support myself in the future, I'd like to argue for more like 70/30 or 60/40 of all assets. I'm also a bit pissed off at having contributed more over the years just to have to give it away.

Is it ever possible to keep pensions out of it? We are youngish - late 30s/early 40s. I am fairly sure that he has next to no pension, but as he is financially avoidant and secretive, I actually have next to no idea about his assets.

Any advice very welcome.

No finances definitely do not always split 50:50. It's best to see 50:50 not as a rule but a principle that things should be equal unless there are good reasons for them not to be. Actually there are very many good reasons to depart from 50:50 and I would guess that the majority of divorces end with a different split. In fact even the case that is often cited as the start of the 50:50 approach (White) didn't end up with a 50:50 split. Looking at your OP there are lots of very good reasons for thinking that you would end up with more of the assets but these things are very fact dependent. It would be a very good idea to get all of the information that you can together and then pay for a short meeting with a solicitor so that you can see where you stand.

See a solicitor, only they can advise. But I was main earner for the entire marriage, did the majority of “wife work” and am also left with 100% custody of the children (supporting them costs much more than meagre CMS money). I’ve earned 70% of our assets. I am the mother. I am still having to pay out 55% to him. In return pensions are untouched. I’m afraid marriage is a very bad deal for women who are main earners and people should know that.

Thank you both - I will make a plan to see a solicitor in a few weeks, assuming that I still plan to file for divorce (barring a miracle, I expect I will).

I was the main breadwinner and paid for virtually everything mortgage, rates, utilities , childcare, etc etc. My ex covered his car costs, his clothes, his loans and some food.

The property was in my name and he made no contribution to it. It was a short marriage (3yrs). I did send him a list of everything I'd paid for that could be considered as joint costs - household expenses, childcare etc for the duration of the relationship which far exceeded the equity in the property.

He dropped any claim on the house or my pension and just agreed to pay CMS. I didn't claim anything other than the CMS. It would have be galling to have had to pay him anything. Much as I could really have used his share of the expenses walking away with my house and pension was more important.

Ok, well I think I might just start by ring-fencing pensions and my critical illness payout. And then accept that 50/50 of the rest is probably right.

I’m in a similar boat and from what I’ve managed to find about disabled children is that it’s different - the years of caring and limits on work ahead of you and need to house disabled adult poss up to 25 or beyond will have to be taken into account. I’ve got to get legal advice but am hoping for at least 70-80% and my pension (which is vastly reduced due to caring as is my income). There’s little online but what there is basically implies with disabilities normal rules won’t apply. That said judges don’t like to see one party walk away with nothing so 100% is unlikely but not impossible (depending on options to downsize house etc). It’s not just about looking at past contribution but future ability to earn / caring responsibilities / whether children will remain dependent as adults

Good luck with that, as they say. I’m afraid there isn’t much justice under British law. My career has also been limited and I have made sacrifices for my children - all totally unrecognised by the law.

I get that but there’s an expection with typically developing children single parents can go back to work from secondary age if not before. With disabled children that’s often not possible as can’t be left unsupervised and no childcare options. Not expecting it to be an easy argument but when you are looking at a lifetime of not being able to work or earn a pension and the ex spouse is living like he has no responsibilities it deserves to get factored in. Has to be said little to no case law about disabled children and settlements though

The needs of children with additional responsibilities changes the way anything is shared out but you must have a solicitor that is aware and ready to go the extra mile

There are lots of cases where by the pensions have not being shared have a list of what you want and go from there everything is possible