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[red8]

SORRY ORIGINALLY POSTED THIS ON RELATIONSHIPS... NEW TO ALL THIS

Hi, husband wants to separate. Long story short, my mental illness has worn him down and he wants out. I'm now getting help for that (I refused before, thought I could cope). We need to stay in our house until we can sell it and then go our separate ways. We have one young child. Husband suggests we parent 50 50. Does something like this need to go to family court or can it be agreed between us? I plan to speak to a solicitor, but with it being a bank holiday, I need to wait. The waiting is killing me, so just need a little advice from anyone who has been in this situation. For the record, I don't want any of this... I want to get help and work at our marriage... so you can appreciate how tough all this is for me.

Hi Red, so sorry to hear what you are going through.

No, you don't need to go to a solicitor to sort out childcare arrangements if you can agree between you. I'm in the same position and recently consulted a solicitor who confirmed this. I'm actually hoping to agree our financial settlement ( I'm buying him out of the family home) without using solicitors (except for having him removed from the deeds of the house) as we have agreed a figure.

Only warning note though; at any point in the future either of you could choose to take the other to court if there's future disagreement.

Thank you for your reply, it's eased my worries. Despite not wanting any of this, I want to keep things amicable for our child's sake.

I know exactly what you mean. I've realised that it's easier to compromise for the children's' sake rather than get into conflict and a horrible and costly court battle. Do you have an idea of how you'd like to share the care?

I was thinking 2 days in the week each and then alternate fri/sat/sun. I don't know anyone in this situation, so I'm not sure if it's practical or not.

That's how one of my friends did it. She had Mon/Tues her ex had Wed/Thur and they did alternate weekends

Another friend does it slightly different. Her ex has them Mon/Tues she has them Wed/Thurs. They alterbate weekends one has them Fri & Sat then the other parent gets them back on the Sunday.

Both set ups work well & neither were done via court or solicitors

I’ve started to think about the children spending time with their dad, he works continental shifts so his week is never the same, he works 4 days on 4 days off 4 nights on 4 nights off - 6-6 - anyone have experience of what they do? I’m not sure how I feel about them staying out on a school night?