Anniversary

[RainbowMum11]

So today is my 9th wedding anniversary.
Except I'm now divorced.
XH has taken DD away so I'm completely on my own.
How do you manage this? I never wanted us to split up, for what it's worth, but a huge back story.
I am struggling to know what to do & how to cope.

Hi Rainbow
I can understand how you feel. It's taken me a long time to figure out why I still felt the way you do...After 3 years of being seperated now I can also see a change in how I feel a bit. The biggest thing I can say to you and that helped me was to sit myself down and to tell myself that I needed to accept what has happened and that we are no longer together anymore. Acceptance is key but your feelings are also valid. I cried alot over what we had ...it is just the same as mourning and I would chat with family and they would all say the same thing ...move on. I knew they were right but it didn't help the way I was feeling at the time. My ex turned horrible and hasn't seen our dd for nearly 2 years, I feel sad for him that he hasn't seen her which sounds stupid...I should hate him.
I've noticed that when people split up ..we always look back on the good times. Your probably like me and really valued your marriage. I would always say another year strong at every anniversary...I felt proud that we had years behind us.
All I can say really is what helped me in the end...and it took a while but I tried to change my routine no matter how small so instead of listening to depressing music I would put the tv on in the background while I washed up. I forced myself to put make up on to make me feel better ...do something you enjoy. Think about you and what your interests maybe now ...I know it sounds silly but when your married it becomes about you and your family. Sometimes people lose themselves or their identity a bit ....is there something you would like to do that you haven't done before? No matter how small. My mum bought me a succulent and I thought it was fab so I bought another then another and now I propagate them to grow more ( something so small but makes me smile)
Go for a bath ...but tell yourself you will clear your mind until you get out.
Most of all know your not alone in the way you feel and its fine to feel the way you do. Moving on is never easy especially when you've been with someone a long time. People do change. I sometimes look back on holidays and how we were but he changed so we weren't like that anymore.
I think things like Anniversaries are the hardest. I remember mine last year ...it would have been our 16th Anniversary. I had to tell myself not to think about it and fill my day with things to do. Sometimes people do that and thats fine too.
I am moving out of our family home soon and I'm actually seeing it as a positive now because I think a fresh start will be good.
Give yourself some time things arent always black and white and like I said it is like grieving x Here if you would like to talk x

Thank you so much mum35 so much of what you have said is so right.
I miss who I was before. But before everything, not before we met & were married.
Am in a depression at the moment so feeling particularly sensitive I guess.

Don't be hard on yourself. Just spend the day being kind to yourself whatever that means for you. X

A friends marathon, a nap & wine seems to be the way this year.

I’m on my own mostly too, and I hate it. I’m rubbish by my self. I don’t like where I’m living either, so when I’m not worrying about the progress of my divorce, I’m focusing on things I really like.

My bed is gorgeous to lie in lol, so I have breakfast in bed and stay there as long as I can. I get up eventually, shower, dress, then practice my Spanish and Portuguese, watch a film, house hunt on the internet ( soaks up a lot of time), go for a walk. I miss gardening, so I admire other people’s gardens.

I still have a patchwork blanket that I haven’t finished. I started it in 1977 lol and gave up, so I could get back to it and finally finish it haahaa. My 93 year old dad would love it

How are you today x