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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Is this abuse and what's the best advise to give

7 replies

Feihung · 01/05/2019 23:06

Hi there,

I'm asking this question about a good friend of mine. She is on her second marriage. Her first marriage had her live through almost three decades of abuse. She finally got out of it and has now remarried.

Her new husband regularly goes through her phone. Recently he reactivated an old social media app and started speaking to an individual who was blocked. He spoke to this individual as if he was my friend and then blamed her for having a relationship.

He does this on a regular basis and uses this as an excuse to blame her.

He himself has been caught several times speaking to ex girlfriends and other women and my friend never goes through his phone.

He recently even started to go through my friends mother's phone and used an old pic of a friend during a trip to start an argument.

She is scared to the point where she has changed her number, won't speak to any of her cousins who are male and stays of all social media (previously he got upset when a make cousin spoke to her).

Her recently made her get a lip job although she doesn't like it herself as it's painful.

I want to remain neutral as a friend so I thought I throw it out there.

OP posts:
Palaver1 · 01/05/2019 23:12

This is why I will never ever marry again.Have a relationship for companionship with a like minded person but marriage never.
You don’t need anyone to answer the question..you know your right.
How can you stay neutral that must be ever so hard.

Ohyesiam · 01/05/2019 23:15

Of course it’s abuse

Feihung · 02/05/2019 00:02

Staying neutral is hard. But not as difficult as watching her go through it again. She is the kind of person that will take the blame for everything which makes matters even worse.

OP posts:
NSA2103 · 02/05/2019 13:21

He sounds like a nightmare. Whatever happened to people being nice, respectful and trusting to/with each other?!

ScreamScreamIceCream · 02/05/2019 21:14

Your friend needs to be encouraged to leave him or kick him out whatever is easier for her. She needs to be encouraged to start planning now as she has absolutely no self-esteem to put up with that level of abusive intrusion.

Feihung · 04/05/2019 22:16

I'll be catching up with her on Monday and see how it goes. Thank you all for your contributions :)

OP posts:
Feihung · 10/05/2019 08:25

I tried to catch up at work, but I got stuck having to help someone out so didn't get to speak much.

Things are sounding worse. Another of her friends has said her husband has now lost a third job within 3 months and is bleeding her financially dry.

I will won't get to speak to her now until next week.

The other important question I suppose is, when do I back away from it. There is only so much you can say to a person and if they aren't willing to listen or do anything about it, do I carry on as a good friend or know to just let it be?!

OP posts:
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