Divorce / seperation from husbands perspective

[paulafc1]

Hi everyone I only joined today , so apart from being a newbie I am very stressed and fragile at the moment struggling to get to grip with things .
I wanted to find a forum where I could find like minded people going through and feeling what I am at the moment .
In a nut shell my wife (16 years together 13 married ) has said she wants a trial seperation which I said to her means a divorce and she has not responded. It was two weeks ago believe it or not on our 13th anniversary where I had booked a two night spa retreat that she put this on me .
I have given up work on her say so ( why oh why ) as she earned the bigger salary and was headhunted and meant moving around the country until we bought our house where we are at the moment .
So now not only am I jobless ( searching and applying ) but I am almost pennyless putting a five figure amount into our house as a deposit. Also add into the mess we had an offer on our house excepted a few weeks ago and had an offer on another house also excepted . She has said she doesn’t want me to move into it but what can I do ?.
I have two large dogs dependant on me also .
I feel lonely trapped unloved insecure and struggling with life at the moment.

Has she said why? Surely she realises you have no income to just set up home by yourself, can the house purchase be stopped?

Sorry to hear you are struggling, things will get better. First of all maybe get a solicitor. They will probably recommend pulling out of the house sale/purchase if possible. You will then need to value all your assets and agree a split so that each can afford a house and to be able to live. You will be expected to work again. If you have lower earning potential you may get a larger split of the money.

She has said it’s lsck of affection over a period of time , to be honest I have let her down previously but I feel I have been trying harder and can and am affectionate at times . She is a strong independent woman and I have become a weaker and less confident person which is my fault not hers. Yes she works in finance and knows fully about my situation , I would imagine we could stop both the sale of our house and the buying of the other one specially as originally whatever we were going to make on our current house was going to be put into the new one giving a smaller mortgage. I am surely entitled to half of what we make if we sold our house ? if so I can’t see the point of her wanting to move .

I have let her down previously

Could you explain what you mean by this, specifically?

Thanks I hope so , I feel so low , it’s only my dogs and the fact I have my son and grandchildren near that is keeping me going . I have a 30 minute free consultation on Friday at 2 different solicitors .
I want to work again , I was foolish to give up in the first place but didn’t have much choice.

I had a brief affair about 8 years ago, I can understand how she can forgive but not forget , she has been so loyal and loving it must of hurt her bad .

Ah. The phrase "let her down" sounds so minor, like you'd forgotten to post a letter or pick her up from the station. It's not an expression many people would use to describe adultery.

When you cheated, you must have taken into consideration the fact that it might end your marriage.

Let her go. Get a solicitor. Find a job and move on.

get legal advice particularly with the division of assets relating to the house

It’s not easy to come on here and say what I have , if I could turn the clock back and change things I would, the saying about men speak with something other than there tongues is true . It’s more complex than you think as it was my ex wife who I have never let go .
I don’t need a lecture on whether saying letting her down is minor as I didn’t mean it to come across as that .
Things are very raw and never been stressed like this , I’m not after sympathy just trying to help myself understand that I am not a bad person.

I think your priorities are legal advice regards house/finances and job seeking. Make it clear to your wife you're going nowhere until you have that information.

It’s going to be difficult but I have to tak to her about the financial situation in a lot more detail , 30 min free advice with a solicitor on Friday.

Just see solicitor about the finances.

And don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself. You'd do better to give yourself a slap and a stern talking to.

Get a job, see a solicitor to sort the finances and the house, look after your dogs, stop shagging exes when you're married to other people, and stop marrying people when you're still keen on exes. Sorted 👍🏻

Thank you for those words of advice .

I totally agree with molly.

You said on the other post you have not had a job for ,4 years .. so she kept you and has got feed up of it...

In total with the moving around the country it was about 4 years , but I did decide to go back and work for Age UK and Centerparcs leaving in Sept to do all the work round the house that needed doing .