So I'm having a really low week this week and thought letting it out might help. After 15 years together, 7 married and a 6 year old son I decided 5 months ago that I'd had enough and told my husband I wanted to separate. The reasons why are sort of not relevant at this stage as we both played our part, but we were miserable and it was clearly effecting our son. Overall though I realized I don't love my husband anymore and know we would all be happier apart (him included).
My husband however refused to discuss separation and spent months pressing for reconciliation. Eventually last month I filed for divorce to try and move things forward and get him to realise I'm not going to change my mind. I have been proposing that we sell the house, and split assets and custody 50/50. Not because I want to leave our house or not see my son for half the week, but because that is what feels fair.
I was feeling strong as I know it's hard and going to be difficult, but I know in my heart this is right, I felt if we could work together amicably we could make this work and try and move on positively. I have heard this week though that there are significant court delays meaning the divorce might take a long time. My husband also continues to refuse to discuss anything and has become increasingly bitter and spiteful. I am sleeping in the box room as he kept trying to touch and cuddle me and I needed to get away. He has now removed all photos of me from the rest of the house, is rearranging things to mark his territory, and going through my stuff making me feel smothered and spied on. He makes snide comments on what I do, blocking me from seeing friends by not coming home when he said so I can't go out and when I do see them checking up on me (as he thinks I'm seeing someone else). He said he couldn't take time off over Easter so I had to juggle a full time job and childcare and then when I was so snowed under I forgot a meeting at our sons school just before the holidays he deliberately didn't remind me and went alone putting on the 'super dad' act because I wasn't there.
I get that he hates me for ending things, but he is making me feel trapped, smothered and scared I'm never going to be free of him. I would just move out to escape, but I don't want to leave my son and I think that is what he wants as without me here he can drag his heels even more on selling the house. I'm also scared he's building a case of lies about me to try and take my son away and keep the house. I earn a bit more than him so another reason he won't move out is because he would end up living somewhere small.
I feel scared and anxious and keep crying as I don't know what to do. His behaviour is wearing me down and not knowing what he is thinking or planning is stressing me out and I'm struggling to cope.