Feeling lost, desperate and confused

[24yearslost]

This is a very short way to explain a long story.
I separated from my husband 5 months ago after being together for 24 years. We have been together since we were 19. We have 2 children 15 and 19 and because of exams I have yet to tell them, I wanted to wait so I did not mess up their important schooling.
He has been unfaithful more than once and since the last time I have been trying to move on, but I just couldn't, I don't trust him anymore and I don't love him, really been trying to hold the family together by staying and pretending life was rosy, but i just can't anymore, so I ended it.
He is desperate to not move on and wants to stay married. When he comes home he is crying and sad and begging me to not leave him. He works away and still is in the home when he comes back. Neither of us can afford to move from the home.
As the time approaches to tell the children I am flagging, I'm terrified and scared and just don't know what to do. I'm worried about the future and where I go from here.
We have put everything in to his pension and nothing in a private one for me. I'm scared, I do work full time but I don't earn enough to stay where we are and I live in a very affluent rural town. I don' want to disrupt my 15 year old's studies by moving at such an important time.
We had so many plans and now I feel so sad and low, I feel I'm losing the plot and think I should just go back to the way it was and to not destroy my children. They adore their father and I am worried I will lose them.
I have so many worries and i am spiraling out of control with anxiety.

Exactly the same here,
Just do the best you can each day. Your children will know and understand what is happening as I am sure you have raised them well.
My only concern in my split is my kids 15&17 don't want anything for myself, and all DH is on about is his money...not going to a solicitor coz is costs£200 a hour! I signed my petition in February!
Try to talk to someone who will listen to your worries and go the doctors for some meds, doesn't have to be forever, but we all need help sometimes! Just be as kind to yourself as you are being to the other involved.
Love and hugs 🤗 ❤️

Thanks for your reply. I was advised to go on a forum with like minded people and gain some help. I seems there is a lot of chat about hating! I don't hate him I'm just sad it all happened. And I'm feeling lost.
I hope you get things sorted.

Hi, firstly I'm so sorry you're struggling (I am too this week). I also separated 5 months ago and am also still cohabitting. We've been together 15 years and have a 6 year old son.

Can I ask what, if any legal / financial steps you've taken? I ask because it seems like your anxiety might be being triggered by the unknown. My advice would be to speak to a solicitor if you haven't already, I had 3 free consultations with different solicitors to get advice on my position before proceeding. While it doesn't fix everything it gave me information and with that a sense of being more in control. I also saw a financial adviser and got advice on that. Everything that is in either joint or individual names is legally classified as a family asset that will be assessed as part of the financial settlement, so even though it's 'his' pension, you are legally entitled to 50% of it, plus the house and any other assets regardless of individual contribution.

I think before you make any decisions about your future you need to make sure you have had the right advice on your position.

xxx