Tell me things will get better

[Simonfromharlow]

Husband told me he's leaving a week ago. I feel absolutely numb. we told the children today and they are devasted. I'm so so done with feeling sad.

Please tell me it will get better.

They will any chance of marriage counselling

No. He's made his decision

It will get better, slowly. I’m 7 weeks and it’s still horrific but with glimmers of possility. I wrote down everything I was feeling each day since he left - it’s currently 25 typed pages! Reading back, I’m gradually shifting my focus from his feelings and my despair into anger and now into thinking clearly (sometimes) about a happy future. Try to go no contact- I was awful at this and prolonged the pain. Try to talk to people who’ve experienced it. Talk - call Samaritans, talk to family. Get outside. Get the kids moving and keep a routine. Get the school on board in supporting them.
Come to an understanding that his issues are his, you can’t change them but you don’t have to lose your self respect just because he is making the choices - take some power back, open a new bank account, see a solicitor, plan a budget....don’t do anything drastic but put everything in place to protect yourself and the children in future.
Believe it will be ok (I’m doing my best to hold onto that), and allow yourself time to fall to bits when you need to.
💐 xxx

I hope it will. On the up side, my friend is trying to set me up with a rather good looking doctor, but the sheer complexity of picking apart 25 years is filling me with dread, as he will leave it to me

I've already done some things for myself. Which did make me feel better for a bit. I've applied for 2 jobs and booked a driving lesson!

I just hate having these feelings having done nothing to deserve them. For him it's worth it because he wants this but for me I've had my future ripped away.

Such a horrible time.

I like the idea of writing down your feelings. I'm going to start that I think. I need an outlet. I wish he'd done it while the kids were back off their school holidays so I didnt have to pretend was ok all day. The kids know but I still don't like them seeing I'm upset.

I know how u feel . Take each day at a time . Do not be pushed into anything by him . Also be aware as adamant as he is now he may change his mind as they often panic when reality sets in . Most importantly take your time as decisions you make now will show later ! Be aware he may get more angry as he will want his way , do not engage in that boundary him . It may not feel it but you are in a position of control . Make your own decisions now !

To give u hope im 10 yrs on from your situation . I have my own home now live with a lovely man and me and the children are happy . Another tip is education, it helped me in the long run . It provided me with a distraction , focus and helped me now earn more

My wife and I separated in February. The previous six months had been rough following my discovery that she'd had a one night stand with a complete stranger. We went to counselling but I don't think she was ever invested in making the changes we needed to survive. So we separated in February and I moved out of the family home.

It has been the hardest two months of my life. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday I was very tearful with it being Easter Sunday and usually a day spent as a family together. Today I'm a bit more positive and looking forward to moving into my own home next month.

The future does scare me. I worry about being able to get my life back on track. I worry about whether anyone will ever truly love me again. But I'm just trying to take it one day at a time. I have some amazing friends who message me every day or invite me out to make sure I'm okay. I've also been writing a diary since my separation which has really helped to organise my thoughts. I've found exercise good too. I try and get out cycling now that the weather's improving.

In all honesty, my H left me 4 weeks ago and the only thing that has kept me going is hope. Which is a fool’s errand given he has messed me about, but even over such a short time it’s about noticing the positives whenever possible 😫

I'd strongly suggest going No Contact if you can. Or the lowest level of contact possible. it took me a lot longer than it should have , simply because he insisted on keeping contact , and I was too much of a doormat to say no. Consequently I couldn't process everything and move forward because his constant presence dragged me backwards.

I'm trying to go no contact but he seems to think I want to be his friend. He is under the impression that it was a mutual split. I think he's deluding himself so he's not the bad guy.