Struggling to go through with telling him

[Throughthestorm6]

I believe my DH and I would be happier with other people. We have bickered for all of our marriage. The thing is, we have talked about separating a few times. I blame him for things, he blames me, we discuss divorce and then it gets swept under the carpet till things are bad again.

We rub one another up the wrong way, we like different things, we don't have much chat between us. I don't fancy him much, and I couldn't care less if we never had sex again. He would like more children, I wouldn't. He wants to go places on holiday that I don't.

Having said all of this there are times when things are nice. He is a very hard worker, a good dad, he tries to be a good husband. I know the grass isn't necessarily greener. We have a beautiful house and he is a simple man in that he likes to work, have a nice time with friends and watch his team play.

The think is that I am bored. And I am resentful of how emotionally shallow he is a times. And so I am not very happy. I feel I need to just be grateful for what I have but i am struggling.

I'm scared of struggling financially and I'm scared I might regret leaving him. But I also feel that I'm wasting my life and his.

I feel stuck. Has anyone felt like this and what did you do? Thank you x

I did.

Then last week I couldn’t take anymore and told him it was over. I feel Like a weight has been lifted but am now struggling to deal with the financial fallout.

Have a plan before you do it.

These are exactly the same thoughts and feelings im going through. My mood has plummeted majorly as I just need to tell him. I've already done a plan for everything it's just the actual telling

Do it now or it will never happen.

Called my wife and daughter (aged 21 at the time) into the kitchen out of earshot of son (aged 8 at the time) to say that I had made an appointment with solicitor to start divorce proceedings. Daughter not too surprised as knew all what had happened over the previous years. Wife stated she would block a divorce all the way as all my fault. The daughter asked an absolute pearl of a question of her mother;

"If it is all dads fault why have you stayed for all these years?"

No answer given.

I walked out. Said I’m going to the shops for a pint of milk and didn’t go home. I had a place to go to, and left a note on the table. I could live with him anymore. 33 years I had plenty enough of his self centred ways. And I just knew the future would be boring as hell. I’m now nearing the end of divorce settlement which has gone on for 10 months so far, and I definitely know I can’t live with him.

Have a trial separation, not just a few weeks, but for 6 months at least, it’ll give you space to think clearly about what you really want.

33 years I had plenty enough of his self centred ways

Wow. 33 years is a huge chunk of someone's life. Not many would have stuck around that long.

What’s the plan as I need one

LeaveOrRemain yes it is a huge chunk, but when there’s nowhere else to go, you’re stuck. Also I guess when you get married so young, and you rub along together, have kids, you get used to just bumbling along. Until something happens, and the door flings open giving you the opportunity to leave.

I advise never getting married.