I’m on MN under other names but this is the first time I’ve posted in this section so please bear with me. In a lot of pain at the moment.
I’m hoping for advice on separation from those who have been there. DH and I are both unhappy but he refuses counselling and thinks I just need to learn to be happy. It’s all my fault. In reality, he has very deep-seated issues he refuses to acknowledge enough to do something about them. I fear the love is gone after years of controlling, aggressive behaviour so doubt counselling would work even if he agreed, but I feel I have to issue an ultimatum – we either do it or separate.
Before I push that button, I want to make sure I have everything in place as I anticipate things will get ugly. He’s a volatile and highly emotional person. We share a child and a mortgage. I put significantly more into our house deposit on the (unwritten) agreement my contribution was roughly equal to a property he has overseas, that I’m not on the title for. Stupid me, I know.
I am not one for ultimatums but feel this is the last resort. Any advice on how to issue one?
Advice on how to prepare for separation... any practicalities?
In the event he actually agrees on counselling, any idea on how to find a good one that understands men like this and can deal with them without throwing me under the bus, possibly with a view to gently helping us move towards separation?
I only work part-time as my child is young, so I don't have much money at my disposal. Neither does he.