Financial Mediation

[CF43]

Hi,
Sorry to be a bore on this subject but before i make a very important decision i need some friendly advice from others.

Those of you who have seen before will know that i am in the middle of a divorce, we have made contact arrangements but he won't sign them and make them legal, and he keeps changing the times or says he didn't agree to that.
Now we are fighting over fianancial settlement and it is crunch time, to go through mediation or take it straight to court. Do I sit through 3 months of mediation for him to say no i am not going to sign the order now changed my mind, or just take him to court.
I would need at least 220K for a decent house in the area we live in, he's not offering that at the moment.

If i talk to him about he he says there isn't enough money to go around I will give you some figures:

House: 299,950
Mortgage: 105,000
Surrender fee: £275.00
His pension: £156,000
Mine £28,000 (frozen 8 years)
Cars same: £5500
His salary£62K
Mine £3K
Savings: £115,000
ISA £15,000 his
Shares 8K His

I haven't been employed for 2 years and unlikely to be able to pay a mortage, he is capable of getting a mortgage for at least £150K for 18 years.

Please be honest I can take it, do I take him to court, issue a final chance settlement figure before I go down this route, or sit through mediation in the vain hope he might be persuaded to settle for more.

Help

I can't answer specifically and it isn't clear what you are asking for. Is it £220k or more?

A couple I know who recently divorced.

Capital £300k
His salary £140k
Hers £20k
His pension not sure but at least 15 years public sector and hers similar.

She got £250k capital. Both kept own pensions. Limited spousal maintenance until kids 18.
Both with massive legal bills - could have been settled by arbitration!

Its a lottery but it doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable given the savings etc you have

If i was to get 220K, minus the 10K solicitor bill i have it would mean I could just about get the kind of house i require/would like.

I have little savings so other things I need/require basic essentials washing machine, sofa, table and chairs would have to be purchased sometime as time goes on.

I just can't see that mediation is going to work on someone that is this stubborn in the first place if he won't offer anymore witht the solicitors then why would he in mediation. It's just another stalling tatic that holds our lives in place. He might not want his live to move on but i certainly do, because he knows that he will have to fend for himself in every aspect.

Then you have no choice but to go to court but it may be better to show you have attempted mediation without success? You might have to self represent?

@MarieG10: just to make sure that's correct, you say above:

"She got £250k capital. Both kept own pensions. Limited spousal maintenance until kids 18.
Both with massive legal bills - could have been settled by arbitration!"

Is that supposed to read child maintenance instead of spousal maintenance? Just ensuring that was correct info.

Thanks!

We tried or at least i did last night to talk to him again and sat down and worked out a figure that was agreeable to both, put then he put the figures in some stupid spread sheet of his that him and solicitor have worked out and it said it would mean i would be getting 75% split and then that was it he didn't want to know any more. Said that was too much and that i couldn't have that.

I have been to 3 different places and they have all said that a 80/20 split is possibly what i would be looking at but as i have said i can't see that ever working.

I have mediation booked for may i will go to one session, if it is not sucessful and going on last night i can't see it ever being then court it is.

This man see's us a percentage not as people. how can i get round that.

You need proper legal advice as to what is a fair split.

Any kids involved? How old?

You would be expected to maximise your earnings and support yourself. His earnings of £62k aren’t high and you would unlikely be able to claim SM.

As an indicator - my OH at the time of his divorce earned circa £70k. EW hadn’t worked for over 10 years and refused to get a job. Kids were 8 & 12 at the time.

She wanted to stay in the FMH for another 10 years and EH pay the mortgage in full (£500 every month).

She wanted SM of £6k a year

On the sale of the FMH she wanted 70% of equity (at the time of going to court there was £300k of equity)

She didn’t have any pensions (she had cashed them all in). EH had (from memory) £150k of pensions. She wanted half.

Child maintenance - she wanted £2k a year over what CMS stipulated.

SM was thrown out of court.

She got to stay in the FMH for 3 years only and she paid the mortgage in full. On sale she got 65%

She got half on one pension (the others were pre marriage).

She spent £20k on solicitors and barristers fees. My OH self repped until the final court case and spent £5k.

She refused to attend mediation. In fact 2 years before the EH had offered a deal which she refused. She cane off much worse than the offer 2 years previous.

Personally I would try mediation as it’s going to be cheaper and less stressful.

Yes going to give it a try but can't see it working.

What little savings i did have i had to spend recently on getting/keepong my car road worthy.

We have one son whom has just turned 8.

I am asking for 225K, 35% pension, £110 per months spousal which would cover my fees for a teaching assistant course i am trying to get on for the next 2 years. After that in theroy i should be able to get a better paid position, that is assuming i can get on the course, and pass.

I am not a skilled worker, have been out of work for 7 years but do have two part time jobs which pay about £225.00 a month. Compared to his £5166 a month. My overtime rate is £8.90 an hour his is in the region of £30.00 an hour. When he goes on trips abroad with work he is working 10 hour days.

During this process which has been just since june 2018 he has had 15 trips abroad for at least a week at a time.

CF 43. Yes spousal maintenance. Child maintenance is separate and not dealt with in financial hearings as is dealt with by CMS if parents don't agree

Sorry above meant for gin and tonic

You need proper advice and representation I’m afraid. But you should go to mediation and stop having direct conversations with him.

The settlement will be discussed in %’s and you need to stop taking this so personally along with all the other things that are associated with agreeing a settlement. It’s a process you can ask and he can say no. Then he can offer and you can say no. You should try to move incrementally towards each other’s position. At some point work out if the additional fees outweigh the gain you will get. Don’t pay another £5k to get £4K.

You need to redo your income to include benefits which you either are or will be entitled to.