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Divorce/separation

Help and advice for DM considering divorce

6 replies

belleshelles · 02/04/2019 11:38

So I wasn't quite sure where to post this but this seemed like the best place. DM has been married to DF for 25 years and there has been emotional and verbal abuse for as long as I can remember. DF decides where DM can and can't go, how she's allowed to have her hair, who she's allowed to be friends with, what she's supposed to wear. He screams abuse at her when he's in a foul mood. He's gaslight her more times than I care to count, and he seems to take pleasure in making her feel stupid on a daily basis. I've grown up with this and watching my DM be abused in this way has continued to upset me, even more so now I have a DD. DM and DF live abroad and have done for the past 16 years, this is due to DFs work (he is a very high earner in a specific field) . Their current move has been the last straw as the abusive behaviour has escalated to being almost daily, especially now as he's lost his current position (he has a pattern of doing this because he believes he is better than everyone else). They are now planning to return to the U.K. in the next six months. DM has confided in me that she's (quite rightly) had enough and wants to leave once they get back to the U.K. and I want to support her in this. All children are over 18, and they don't own any property together. I suppose I'm just asking what her next steps should be and how I can help support her?

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belleshelles · 02/04/2019 11:43

Also I stupidly forgot to mention that DM has given up work to become a SAHM parent in order to facilitate DFs career and the many moves, for the entirety of their time abroad. Meaning she hasn't worked for 16 + years.

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RandomMess · 02/04/2019 13:21

I would put her in touch with Women's Aid

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Molly333 · 29/04/2019 07:05

Tell her to gather copies of financial paper work pensions savings etc . Look at housing also . Do this all quietly . Save money away too . She could speak to a solicitor now without him knowing

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BringMeAGinandTonic · 30/04/2019 01:25

Will she be able to get away from your DF for a bit to see a solicitor?

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Aquamarine1029 · 30/04/2019 01:28

She needs to find out how long they need to be in the UK until their assets will be divided 50/50. She needs a solicitor to guide her.

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Graphista · 30/04/2019 02:21

Yea she needs to work quietly to prepare, but definitely see a lawyer (is she moving back to an area where she knows people to discreetly ask for recommendations? Not all lawyers are good and she needs the best she can access)

Get all legal and financial paperwork together and stored somewhere safe.

Make a note of all marital assets (even if not in her name)

A journal of the abuse probably wouldn't hurt either.

I hope she gets away safely and with all she is rightly owed.