Hi,
My dh and I have had problems pretty much since starting our relationship 10 years ago. We now have a 5yo and a 3yo and still argue, but it's got to the point where we've been for an initial consultation at Relate. We haven't had sex for 3.5 years. There are various reasons for this - I find sex painful (endometriosis), we've never had a particularly good sex life, and kids etc.
The sex or lack of isn't really the problem though. I had an abortion 6 months after we met, and he was wildly unsupportive. Fast forward to a few years later when I have a 5mo old child, and he was on Tinder and messaging women on FB with flirty/inappropriate messages. I have no idea if he actually met anyone - he says he didn't. I forgave him, and recognised that this behaviour was probably due to how dysfunctional our own sex life had become. But then it happened again after my second child was born.
He doesn't make me feel special, we bicker endlessly and I don't want to fight in front of our kids. We don't even hug anymore.
So sorry for the long message. I don't think I've been on mumsnet since my 3yo was a baby!
DH wants to repair our relationship through Relate but I'm honestly not sure we can. What would we be reverting back to? It was never build on strong foundations. I fully realise we could do it for the kid, but would they really benefit from this. I can't imagine it would exactly be like the Brady Bunch.
Aside from how possible it is, I'm obviously also beyond scared of having newly found financial freedom (or having no savings and two kids, which is the reality).
I don't really know what I'm looking for tbh. I just wanted to share with someone who might be able to empathise, or who has been there, or just has some advice to share. I can't believe my crazily low self esteem of 10 years ago has wound me up in a place like this. I so wanted to just have a healthy relationship and for my kids to be happy :(
Thanks all xx
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Divorce/separation
Advice please - considering separation
3 replies
Queazy · 31/03/2019 22:24
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