Who should do the divorcing

[DifficultwithDogs]

My ex has the marriage cert and all the paperwork. when they left they took all the documents relating to everything (except dcs passports birth certs I'd hidden them).

I've been through the mill as far as the courts are concerned and come out the other side with all the necessary orders for the DC's to be with me.

It's cost a lot and I'm struggling to make ends meet

I need to get a dupe marriage cert first before doing anything else.

But as ex and I dislike each other to the same extent, why should it be down to me to do the divorcing? I guess if I initiated ex pays nothing towards it?

Lots of people tell me I need that divorce and that it sends a signal.

But I'm worn out of the mess ex has created, and the on going toxic parenting and parental alienation ex is doing. My finances are in a mess and I'm constantly having my parenting called into question by my ex even though my ex sees the DC's for 2 hours on a Saturday as per contact order,oh and ex isn't paying cm either.

Frankly, I feel I've got other things to be getting on with dealing with the financial mess (I'm really over committed), nurturing the DC's getting them through the havoc of school and keeping a job.

I'd appreciate people's thoughts on this.

TIA

Have you got any significant assets? If not, I can't really see the obvious benefit of getting divorced right now

My ex left me but I divorced him which gives a certain grim satisfaction. I would do it if I were you. It puts you in control. Yes you will have to pay but you don't have to use a solicitor for the divorce itself so it's just the court fee.

Ahh you have your children.

I suggest you divorce him on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour making sure your claim includes unreasonable things that aren't too heavy so he can't say no to the petition. You can then request he pays the court fee and reasonable costs towards the preparation of the initial petition.

You can actually do this bit yourself if you do your homework.

The bit you have to pay to sort out is your joint financial assets but you can sort this out cheaply if you don't have any, so he can't claim from you in the future.

If you wait 2 years he can request half the cost of the court fees and money towards the preparation of the initial petition from you. If you wait 5 years who ever initiates the claim has to pay it all.

Regardless of what you decide, try not to hire a solicitor to represent you. Get advice from a solicitor where needed but don't get them to represent you as he can't attempt to bankrupt you.

@TwoRoundabouts

Can you exain the bit about bankrupting.

My lawyer gas basically said what you've said, I do the firm's and they will check them and leave it to me to do.

Do you mean that ex could tie me up in endless amounts of to and fro with lawyers so the cost becomes horrendous or actually force bankruptcy?

I get my dupe marriage cert mid next month.

do the forms not their firm

If you are low income you can apply to the Court for a discount in the fee or total exemption.

Do you mean that ex could tie me up in endless amounts of to and fro with lawyers so the cost becomes horrendous or actually force bankruptcy?

Yes. My ex dragged out the proceedings for 18 months by;

hiding the marriage certificate;

and

jumping from one adviser to another.

A total of 7 hearings took place. Thankfully judge at final hearing realized what had happened and a lot of my legal costs were awarded against my ex.

My ex dragged it to two years by simply refusing to sign the papers and changing solicitors several times. Either way though unless you are entitled to legal aid it will cost you whether you instigate or not

Why would it matter if they hide the marriage certificate? Assuming you're in England or Wales (though I'd imagine NI and Scotland have a similar system) I was able to order mine online. I don't even live in the UK anymore - they posted it to me in Canada so I could start the process. I even ordered my ex's birth certificate and his parents' marriage certificate for my DS's passport application no problems.

Why would it matter if they hide the marriage certificate?

I was married outside the UK and it took several weeks to obtain another copy of the Certificate. I had a photocopy of the original, but the courts would not accept and the Decree Nisi was delayed.

Sorry OP was busy.

Some people, can be the applicant but normally the respondent, drag divorces out for years costing their ex loads of money in legal fees. (The longest I've heard is 7.) The legal fees come from the martial pot but if you have already divided them/been separated for years you each pay your own fees. If you are a litigant-in-person and your ex decides to drag out the divorce them you can get paid advice from a lawyer when needed keeping your costs down.