Divorce Courts Financial Hearing

[CF43]

Hi, Does anyone have any experience of divorce court hearings, I have submitted paperwork to take our financial proceedings to court as an agreement between us can not be made, but I have no idea what to expect, do we have to all sit around a table with the judge, do we have to attend, will the judge look at the paperwork first then call us in for talks.

I don't want it to go to court my legal bill is 7K now, i could be looking at another 4 to 8K on top of this I have been advised and anything upto another year.

We have agreed contact arrangements but he won't sign any paperwork making everything we have discussed at mediation void.

Fathers very very rarely get custody and only in the event that for example the mothers has mental health problems to the extent she cannot care adequately for the D.C. it is not about the money. The best he will get is joint custody at 50/50.

It is good you are trying to maximise your earning potential - something the courts like to see.

We actually sold our house early on, but even though the proceeds would have funded a house for each of us, his sol had them frozen so I had to move into a rental for 2 years. However in the end I was awarded more, so his loss really.

Re mediation, get through the initial assessment and explain how things are. If he does not attend then the mediator should sign you off. If he does attend then don’t let it go on for too long if you know nothing will come of it. Mine went on at one meeting per month for 4-5 months, and despite the mediator doing her best she realised he would never actually agree to anything.

What happens about contact with his dad in the meantime, he wants to take him away for a week in the summer holidays, is this something that I should let happen or insist that he has him for days out instead as we are both in the same household.

If he won't agree to the parenting plan or sign it off what's to stop him for dragging this out for ages as my bill is now 10K he keeps delaying so my bill keeps going up.

I can’t really help on what he can’t do, although I do know you can’t insist on him doing anything, just as he can’t insist on you doing anything. If you think about it, he is one of the parents so has rights. Is there anything that worries you about his taking your DS away for a week?

Divorce can be such a battle, with unfortunately the kids caught in the middle. Luckily mine were old enough to make up their own minds. For those who can’t see how much it is impacting on them and want to spin it out as long as possible, then court is the only option.

Has he given a reason he won’t sign off on the parenting plan?

OP your previous posts about contact are pretty memorable for no other reason than the vast majority of pp’s said you were being unreasonable and this would work against you in court. Without going through all of that again I suggest you discuss this with your solicitor.

Based on these posts I am sorry to say but your ex’s stance in not signing is understandable, probably tactical and a shame for the child.

So yes, let him take his child on holiday. You need to accept his role as a father who is a joint parent. You have no rights to insist on days out.

Yes I suppose so my main concern was the travelling really, he says he doesn't want to go through the courts and he doesn't want to do mediation, he will agree to the parenting plan if we implement it now. I have no reason to stop him and it is something I will have to get used to.

Has anyone heard of the phrase "Charge back in divorce settlement" it's something that he mentioned it is where he owns a percentage of my house and can ask for the money back after a certain amount of time - don't like the sound of it.

My divorce was seven years ago, so I'm probably out of touch with process. I know that I successfully rejected mediation as an option, as we'd already been talking through solicitors for three years with no success. When it came to the court visit, it was over very quickly, the Judge had obviously read through the paperwork. DH has a barrister speaking for him, I self-rep'd with a mackenzie friend for moral support (so I wasn't facing the barrister on my own). The Judge asked one pertinent question about my XH finances since our split which I actually hadn't considered, pointed out that his proposal was unfairly penalising me, and suggested that he think more fairly (i.e. 50:50). He sent us out both out to separate rooms with the barrister as a go-between. XH saw sense, barrister drafted a hand-written Consent Order, and the Judge approved it 15 minutes later.

wow that was quick, maybe as he doesn't want to go to mediation and he doesn't want to go to court, now that the letter has been sent out about the intention for court, he might fingers and toes crossed talk to his solicitor about upping his offer, I can't keep going at this it's maddness, i nearly had an accident the other day in the car, brain elsewhere, i am trying to juggle work, school, well three schools all on different holidays. I have three different calanders on the wall got to get a different system.
Got a interview monday at a childrens nursery for work experience, god knows how and where i am supposed to fit that in.

OP I’ve read the other thread I think Lemon was referring to. I gather your DS is 7. You got some great advice on that thread and I’d urge you to read it again.
FWIW at 8 yrs old I went away to boarding school, 170 miles away. Tbh I think it’s great your STBX wants a relationship with him, and even if you mistrust his motives, you have to give it a go - legally as well as morally, whatever your personal feelings.
Yes, some people do see sense once things escalate to court, and hopefully this will be the case here.

It is not easy to just hand your son over to someone else when you have done the hard work, but I want our son to have fun and enjoy his time with his dad.

However, the more room i give him the more he stalls the divorce process and I know it is not about the money but actually you know it is as i have literally nothing, he owns everything, I have very little savings as only started working last year, so all the money is his. He has the earning capacity to buy a big house and we have nothing, he wants us to have nothing. I could move out and go and live with my parents but they are old and uprooting again and we both have friends here and good network of people helping us, so that is why I hang on and try and get what I can from him. I am not trying to use my son as a cushion for money he is the world to me, and over the last few months his dad has made more of an effort with him, so I can see that they are starting to make an connection which is great but I do worry that his dad will get bored of him again as he has done in the past and i have to deal with the fall out again, it will be much harder this time as he knows what is going on. I guess I will have to just be there to pick up the pieces.

So please don't judge me I am trying to be fair, unlike his dad.

“It is not easy to just hand your son over to someone else when you have done the hard work, but I want our son to have fun and enjoy his time with his dad.”

Yes this is true and no doubt galling for you. However this is what a SAHM’s role is - to do most of the early child rearing, while the other parent earns to provide. It is a joint effort, and matters not whoever does more or less of whatever. Even if he did not have much time for his son before, he does now, and this is something you cannot deny him, so try to see it as a good thing...it will give you time for yourself too.

So try to keep that separate from the finance side. Yes I know it 8s connected, but the fact that your son is offering you his pocket money, as well as showing his sweet nature, also shows you must be telling him you are struggling money wise. He should not have to have this worry, and even if it exists, you should not be using his worry as a tool.

The MCA section 25 sets out all things considered in a finance dispute of this kind. Do you have a spreadsheet of yours and his assets to work from and have you both drawn up a reasonable needs expenditure list?. This would help make everything clearer on what can be afforded. seeing things in black and white can be so much easier than listening to what people say

We had to each submit an offer. We had a session with the judge first thing, then had to go hash it out and come back later. This did not go well. Then we went back in and the judge helped reach an agreement.

I paid 3k for a barrister - best money I’ve ever spent, hands down. He brought his dad and they were both trying to lay into me but with my barrister there, I just stayed in a room and she went back and forth.

Good luck.