Evening everyone,
I'm not entirely sure what brought me to post on the site. Even thinking about writing this makes me feel like I'm betraying my wife. In my grief, I read a lot online in various places. There were quite a few threads on here, so I thought it might help me to cope. We'll see.
As the title says, my wife told me (not quite two weeks ago) that she just didn't feel the same way anymore. Since that moment, I've felt everything you'd expect. Totally sick, numb, like I'm in some weird nightmare. We've been married for 14 years and together for 18 (our entire adult lives basically). I love her so much. All I can think about is getting her back and the thought that I'll never get over this. We have two children (15 and 11). They're at home with me whilst my wife moved to her parent's place (10 minds away).
After the initial first day of me basically begging (I was in shock/grief), I've really made an effort to try and get myself sorted mentally. I'm sure my girls know I'm hurting, but I try not to let things show around them.
No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about me wife. I'm trying to respect her decision and I understand how this must be hard on her too. She hasn't found somebody else. We argued but there wasn't any abuse. I just can't see/believe that after being together so long that her feelings have completely died. I truly believe that she feels less passion than she used to but I also believe there are still feelings there - even though they're burried.
Why did she leave? It's funny, but it took this absolute punch to the gut to wake me up. There were a number of reasons which I imagine led to her feelings decreasing. I contributed to too many of them.
My wife had a lot of outside stresses in recent years. She went back to uni to get a degree for work (whilst still working). Did brilliantly and then her job was got rid of and she had to move departments. That hurt her after all the effort she put in. She also doesn't have many close friends nor feels like she had much of an identity as she didn't have many hobbies. All this contributed to major stress.
Then there's me. As a couple, we settled in to a but of a run of the mill relationship. We'd get home and just watch TV whilst on tablets or phones. I recently started not going to bed at the same time as her (we always used to go up together). We kissed, we said the right things, but I didn't make her feel special. We still enjoyed sex, but didn't have it as often as we'd both like.
I completely neglected her feelings in terms of housework. I did stuff, but not enough. Now I've been here without her I truly see how much work she put in everyday just to keep the house clean.
All of this would have contributed to her falling out of love. I understand it. I'm so angry at myself for not realising what I was becoming. I was selfish. I didn't try new things or things out of my comfort zone. I knew she likes muddy runs, but I never tried because it wasn't my thing.
What does get me is that even up to a few days before, she was still talking about holiday plans, things we'll do later in the year etc. She sent me the cheeky messages she always did. Then just a few days later - she hit me with it. I can't wrap my head around it.
We've talked a little since but mainly about the girls. I dropped them off yesterday and she asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. I did and although we didn't talk relationship, we joked and chatted likes old times. However, the majority of messages are now distant and short. That feels like a dagger in my stomach.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Does anyone think I still have a chance? Will a bit of space help? What should I do? I feel lost constantly. I can barely concentrate when at work. If we can't reconcile, I want us to be friends. She was my closest friend and she would talk to me about everything too.
Thank you for those who took the time to read this rambling post.