Hi,
This is a long one. I have been divorced since September 2018 separated since 2009. We have two children one of whom is treating as my ex did. My 12 yr old has called me the C word, told me he is pleased my mum is dead and that I should get over it. My mum died when I was 8. He has tried physically hurt me and partner. When I ask dad to come on board he acts like my sons best mate and believes everything my son says. Which normally means my son usually made to feel like he is the injured party.
So last weekend I tried to get my son to do the homework he was meant to complete at his dad. But dad didn’t bother so we are trying to sort it out on Sunday as it was my sons birthday on Saturday and we took him out for the day. Even during that when we had a meal my son ranted at one point.
Sunday I get called all hurtful things told I wish you were dead. So I put sons school uniform and son in the car and drop him at dads. Didn’t call dad or get out the car as I would of lost it with dad in the street and didn’t want that. I said to my son I love him but I can’t keep having speak to me like he is. Watched him go to dads and drove off.
We previously went to counselling but my ex rubbished after a few months. So we no longer go. Spoke to the school no end of times and told them what’s going on. I told them before half term I feel like walking away as I actually feel so down with the constant fights. If it’s not my son it’s his dad.
This week my ex went mental telling me I am a poor mum and I basically need to get out of martial home. He is going to take both my children away. All via text. I admitted not my finest hr but I was at crisis point. And I really wanted to smack my son and I don’t think I would stop. So took him out of it. And didn’t want to row with my ex. All day Monday I got told I am not allowed to contact my son and I will be removed from the school details. And the same will be Done to my daughters school. Who was still in my care at this point.
My partner and I had a meeting where I told him these threats need to stop and slagging off of my older son. My older son won’t speak to him. He is from my first marriage but practically raised by my other children’s dad. I stated I think the children are playing us off one another. Told him about how I told the school he had hurt our son back in November and how the children had told us he had hit/pushed his current partner too. I said from now on we need to be honest with one another. Stop allowing the children to play us off.
This made the current partner very upset and cry. The comment about hitting. Both accusations were completely denied by both of them.
He agreed to let me stay in the house and let us continue with the plan of buying it. Within the next 18 months. We do pay a sum of money towards this house and do all upkeep. Said only said to upset me.
Our son is meant to come back next Friday. His gf said that I am making my son feel rejected and that I need to grow a thicker skin to the name calling as she has it all day in her job. I said I work in a similar environment and can take that all day from the children I work with but very hard to take from my own child.
Today I messaged him with our daughter matches for her sport. He asked to added to the information details my partner said can my ex do it Tuesday as then it’s not something else for us to remember. We were accused of being awkward and now the house situation has reared its ugly head and yet again he doesn’t think I should have my son back as I can’t cope with him.
All the texts he has sent today we have ignored like we did last week. But usually more come the longer we ignore.
I am so tired. I just need advice. My ex husband is hardly dad of the year his gf does the majority of the care. He forgot to turn up for his sons birthday party last year and that was fault as I never reminded him and the same with my daughters options evening. This is why I want him to update things. To take the blame from me.
My partner has had enough too. Saying my ex is ruining every day of our lives via text.
I admit I shouldn’t have taken him to his dad but this has been going on for some time and feel like his dad is living here.
Just need to get it off my chest. Any advice on how to handle this. And happy to be slatted.