What do I do?

[Jess389]

My husband and I have been having problems for the past 18months.
Whilst I was at home on maternity leave he expected me to do everything. Cooking, cleaning, night feeds for 2 children, shopping, laundry. His only contribution was his salary.
When I returned to full time work, he lost his job. I did not expect him to do everything. I still got up with the kids, I still cleaned the house and I still cooked most meals.
I am now out of work again and he is working part time.
He just informed me that I must "do better".
He should not have to do anything around the house because it should be done by me. He should not have to do the washing up or laundry and I should "stop using looking after two young children all day as an excuse for the house not being spotless"
His wages are also only for him. Any surplus money after bills belongs to him because he earned it, not me.
He plays on the computer most nights and expects me to do the house work while he's doing that.
There are nights when I don't want to do something so will leave it to the morning. Because I'd rather read a book and have an early night.

I don't want to be here anymore, but don't have anywhere else to go, I don't have any support and can't afford somewhere on my own with the children.

What do I do?
Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Sorry to hear this, my ex husband was lazy and was always playing bloody computer games like a child, I did absolutely everything around the house and for our baby (now 6), I was fed up (although he didn’t tell me or expect me to do everything but I had to else it wouldn’t get done), in the end I found out a few things about him so left him (went to my parents an hour away) then he moved out of the home back to his parents so me and the baby could have the house so it was close by him until we sorted the house out together.

I’m guessing you’ve tried talking it through with him and asking for support and help, I think there are some men who think we’re at home having coffee and cake all day while the kids are peaceful sleeping 🙄 it’s hard work, it doesn’t stop!

If you’ve thought about leaving you’re probably at your wits end. Do you have relatives or friends you could move in with until you can get tax credits set up? Then you might be able to put a deposit down somewhere and have a place away from him, he might even realise then how unsupportive he’s been and try and resolve it. My friends husband moved out, they had counselling and he’s now moved back in the house after 6 months and there marriage is back on track again.

Do you want to save your marriage? If you are going to try then you need support from extended family members to tell him he's a lazy selfish bastard and also try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work then unfortunately you are going to have to kick him out.

Regardless if you are doing counseling or not, I suggest you start to save all his messages and write down a date/time record of all the times he calls you lazy or otherwise insults you.

You can then use that if necessary to get him out so you and the kids stay in the property.