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What constitutes 50/50?

10 replies

Otter71 · 01/03/2019 14:21

Hi there
Daft question I am sure.
Stbxh and I are doing mediation.
Care for DD is allegedly 50/50 and is in terms of where she sleeps.
But I am being expected to do near 100%of mums taxi duties so that even on the week she is with him, I get one evening off sitting outside wherever she is doing her thing, just I then drop her back to him
Obviously this means no maintenance either way for her and I enjoy seeing her but my fuel bill is huge, and I can't move on with my life because I so infrequently have a free evening. Does anyone know there is actually a definition of 50/50 and does it specify anything more than nights?

OP posts:
Jen1519 · 01/03/2019 14:23

Is there a reason why he can’t share taxi duties?

Kismetjayn · 01/03/2019 14:23

Not a lawyer but separating. Aren't you supposed to share pickup/drop-off/ costs?

I'm going to be contributing petrol money as I don't drive. Not 50/50 but pretty sure for days she is with him, he is meant to arrange travel?

Lonecatwithkitten · 01/03/2019 22:58

Ummm when she is resident with him he is responsible for everything including mum's taxi. You are no longer his wife stop doing wife work. This maybe hard on your DD, but you have to draw a line at some point.

Otter71 · 01/03/2019 23:56

No good reason for him not to help, other than him enjoying his social life or not wanting to get out of work early. He has a car. We both work full-time. He says he does some but can't give examples... I get calls from her being stuck or her older brother helps sometimes... Maybe I will just say if he can't do it, he needs to give me petrol money and see where that goes...

OP posts:
RainbowMum11 · 02/03/2019 00:20

50/50 is purely on nights unfortunately. Can you get it written into the agreement that he does all care on his time as 'resident parent'?

Twillow · 02/03/2019 00:55

Stop doing his work. Initially, your child may think its unfair but she/he will soon realise that he will likely do it if asked by them (and especially if he feels he is looking bad by not doing it).
Make some bland excuse to him that you have something on. Don't ask him to do it, especially not 'would you mind'. Just say you can't for the foreseeable - you don't need to explain or justify.

VimFuego101 · 02/03/2019 01:16

This sounds like a very poor legal agreement to me. If he wants 50/50 he should be doing pickups and taxiing to activities, not just providing a place for her to sleep.

TwoRoundabouts · 02/03/2019 14:15

There is no definition of 50/50.

Drag your ex's arse to mediation and hammer out a parenting agreement. In that agreement get it included whoever she resides with that week is solely responsible for taking her to activities and medical appointments.

Before you go to your first session Google "parenting plans UK" and write a plan up. Check what you can reasonably agree e.g. for example you can reasonably agree that but neither of you can ban any new long-term partner from helping out with that. Give the parenting plan headings as your agenda for the session(s) and then go from there.

trendingorange · 02/03/2019 21:14

Why are you enabling him to have his cake and eat it too?
When are you going to be free from him?
I get that your daughter benefits, but she would also benefit from her dad stepping up...which isn't going to happen unless you hand the reins over to him on 'his' nights.

tisonlymeagain · 03/03/2019 12:54

We have 50/50, which includes daytimes as well as nights, it's split over the week. If it is his day or night/weekend etc if they need to be somewhere that's up to him to get them there. If he needs help, I'll do it but if I can't because I am busy, it's up to him to sort out work or get cover. Same goes for me.

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