Does being a SAHM negatively affect custody?

[RebuildingMyLife]

I am considering separating from my DH. We have 2 DC (8 and 14).

My DH has a very high earning job. He works away about 1/4 of the month including weekends, works until 7-8pm and stays out overnight at least one night a week so he can drink with colleagues and clients and not commute back.

The main thing stopping me moving this forward is that I would lose custody of my DC because I am a SAHM. I have had to give up my job 3 times due to international relocations and now back in the UK am finding it difficult to find work. Also, I am pretty much flying solo with the DC and have no one to help me out with them during holidays, sickness etc.

I am looking for a job but not sure how long it is going to take.

Do courts see the lack of income as a deal breaker for the mum?

No. From everything I've ever experienced, seen or read (I'm not a lawyer), it's quite the opposite. You're the primary carer.

In fact from what I gather, it's quite common for manipulative men to plan for a divorce by cajoling a SAHM into FT work first. To improve their chances of 50/50 and low/no maintainence liability.

No, it would be impractical for him to be the main carer.

Courts primary concern is what is best for the children. Maintaining the status quo is important and doing what would impact the DCs the least.

Would your H give up his job and seek custody?

When I divorced I had been a SAHM for 13 years, having recently started a PT job (working at home). There was no question of XH going for custody no matter how hard he threatened to.

Despite me ‘contributing nothing financially for 13 years’ I enabled his career, pension, lifestyle. The solicitor and court saw things as they were, not as he saw it.

Minimal disruption to the DCs was the aim.

Do you think your husband will want custody? or even 50/50? It doesn't sound to me like he'd be able to manage that without giving up his job.

Remember, it's not about you or him, it's about what's best for the children, which is assumed to be maintaining an equal relationship with both parents as far as is practical.

No. You are their primary carer so very unlikely that you would lose custody of them.

Make sure you claim child benefit and any tax credits as soon as you are able to give you some financial support if he stops it. entitledto.com is a good starting point. Put a claim in for child benefit if you haven’t done so already and ring them up for tax credit forms.

Also make sure you have a good understanding of your/his financial position. XH has a massive pension, I had nothing.

Being a SAHM makes us vulnerable if we are not in healthy relationships.

You are the primary carer they aren't likely to give primary custody to someone who would have to arrange child care when you are at home to do so.

You are the primary carer of the 8 year old and the 14 year old can choose to live with who they want within reason. As your husband works away it isn't reasonable for the 14 year old to live with him. So unfortunately you are stuck with both children for the majority of the month.