Custody battle

[Mummaaon]

On going custody battle with my baby it's terrible and most stressful - unfortunately ex and I cannot agree to access. He makes the rules, aggressive and dictates what he wants whereas I'm thinking of the baby

He wants 3 nights a week
I feel she's too young atm but that'll change as she gets older 2/3 years maybe?

Whatever I do or suggest I'm the bad cop.

I keep my head low and private business between close friends and family - he posts regularly lies and updates over social media, it's so embarrassing.

I need an end to this so I welcome court weirdly. I see no other way - I just hope the judge understands me as a mother to a baby.

How old is your baby?

She's 9 months x

He wants your baby 3 nights a week and they are 9 months old?

That is just crazy!!

If he's a bully like you've said he is, please make sure you are properly represented in court so that you can confidently state your case and don't allow yourself to be intimidated by him. 9 months is far too young for baby to leave you, and much research has been conducted that suggests children are happier with one stable base. Good luck x

You need to come up with why it isn't in your child's best interests for him to have her overnight in a logical way rather than hoping the judge is on your side.

If your ex never lived with you once she was born and didn't come around frequently afterwards, then he's a stranger to her. So she needs to get use to him before staying overnight.

How awful for you, could a compromise be he puts your baby to bed round yours 2 or 3 nights a week, so he still gets contact with her, but then goes home and the baby stays with you? Might be worth proposing to the judge to show you are willing for them to have a relationship, but not at the detriment of disrupting your LO?

Thank you all for the reply

I've every scrap of evidence why he shouldn't have baby for 3 nights a week but my main concern is baby is only 9 months, seems crazy why he is so determined- I know his the father but really? And now the grandparents on my case via lawyers to gain access, to which I think they ought to have access during his time.

He continues to blacklist me ruining my reputation online, I fully 100% do what's best for the child and not myself. I'm over the fact he left me when baby was weeks old, I'm in fact a better person without him.
When will this suffering end?

Personalty disordered individuals treat everything as win/lose so there is nothing rationale about their demands.

Do you have a good solicitor who understands abusive men?

Does he work? If so is he proposing having the baby after work?

What are your proposals and why can’t he have her overnight ? I know that you don’t want to be apart for 3 nights but can he have her one night to start for example ?

If he's posting stuff online about you get screenshots of it all, every time. Use it as evidence.

He is her father. She has a right to a relationship with her father irrespective of her age. Why is he as her father not able to look after her? Is he not mentally competent or something?

Jon - and you're absolutely correct in that, I absolutely a million percent want baby to have a father & thars something I've always been clear about but when he takes and refuses to return her isn't fair on the baby and is quite frankly cruel
He was having baby twice a week full days and I've now proposed introducing 1 night a week which I feel is appropriate but he still taking me to court

If you are not breastfeeding then I don't see an issue with the father wanting to have 50/50 care of his / your child. Yes it isn't nice to not have your baby with you all the time however I am sure the father also feels the same.

Cookingonwine - I take your point. Baby has been breast fed since day 1 and the plan has always been that'll stop at 1 year which is approaching.