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I'm totally done but scared

7 replies

Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2019 11:52

I'm looking for a hand hold and this may be long as trying not to drip feed.
I've been married for 10 years, together for 12 with one 6 year old ds. Since DS was born, my marriage has been a car crash with husband's moods and controlling behaviour with the identical behaviour from my MiL.

Husband does nothing around the house ( needs a knighthood if he loads the dishwasher once a month) and I do everything for DS. Husband is a 'Disney day' liking the fun stuff and when he wants to.

There has been coercive control , comments on clothing, nasty text messages if I go out ( once a year as always makes it impossible) then total denial and money paid into my account to say 'sorry'.

Just before Xmas last year, he totally lost it verbally in front of my son. I'd had enough and called 101 then had to give a statement. SS then got involved and assessed DS but were happy so case closed.

I'm so ashamed. Husband knows nothing about the police and I then saw a solicitor re starting divorce proceedings. I told him I wanted to separate and he said I was 'ridiculous and absurd' and I need to learn to separate feelings from money and have to stay together to give ds a good upbringing.

I am unable to leave as can't afford anywhere ( I work PT).

I have to tell husband and DS but what on earth do I say??
I'm scared of 'ruining my son's life' as husband says. HIs moods are erratic, nice then silent and moody the next ( husband's moods not DS)

I can't live like this for the next 20 years. I'm in my 40s and just don't know what to say :(

OP posts:
fingernailsbitten · 25/02/2019 14:44

Sorry you are going through this.

I don't have children but the moods of DH/DP sound so familiar.

fingernailsbitten · 25/02/2019 15:12

Could you discuss family counselling with your DH and your son?
If you are worried for your son's safety then you know you need to leave DH.

Don't be ashamed of HIS behaviour. He chose to act like he did.

Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2019 16:03

Thank you for replying .

Husband goes from buying toys and lottery scratch cards being really nice to DS then unpleasantly to me to then oh Blue I love you so much

He says I'm oversensitive. I suggested counselling but 'he doesn't have time for that'

OP posts:
Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2019 16:06

I'm torn between who I tell first ...... Husband or son

OP posts:
Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2019 19:51


OP posts:
cece · 25/02/2019 20:04

Can I suggest you sign up for the freedom programme. A 10 week course that's free. It will help you understand his controlling behaviour and will offer you support to leave.

Bluemascara4 · 25/02/2019 20:55

I've not heard of the freedom project . Thank you, I'll have a look x
Thank you.

OP posts:
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