StbExH cutting all contact with kids

[Sotheyallrolledover]

Overnight my ex has dropped out of our lives.

He's angry with me, I think it's finally sinking in, after 8 months since I told him I want to separate, that I'm serious. He had his head in the sand until now, not doing anything to address the (massive) issues, change, or patch things up, but I guess some part of him thought I would just fall back in to the marriage, happy or not.

I feel sure that there's also an element of him punishing me. I KNOW he's in the wrong here and he's behaving badly but actually, if he's trying to unsettle me and punish me, it sure is working. I am so upset for my two children. I DO feel guilty about breaking up the family. But it's not my job to make him see sense, is it? His silence is deafening. I guess he wants to play the victim and say look, you didn't even check if I was dead or alive. But he is very so uncooperative about divorce that I am loathe to make nice once more and reason with him. Surely he should want to remain in our children's lives regardless of whether or not we are together? He is using fatherhood as a bargaining chip. Ie if I wanted him to be in the children's lives I shouldn't be divorcing him.

He works abroad so he wasn't seeing them anyway except for rare visits home, but he was still in their life, skyping them and asking me for photos. They are young, 4 and 2. I used to mention him a fair bit, trying to do my bit to make sure he still had a place in their lives, but now I'm not sure if he's ever going to reappear in their lives and if I should keep talking about him or not.

For context, we used to live with him in the foreign country and I moved myself and the children back here because I hated it over there and was unhappy generally. There was no discussion about a way forward on where to live, and six months after moving home is when I ended things. So it might look like he has abandoned us and while it is true that he has chosen to put where HE wants to live first, it's not quite true that he's just abandoned us.

Even typing this out has been helpful. I can't sleep at night wondering how it came to this and wondering if he will keep this up. It's been a fortnight now. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice for me?
Tia

it's not quite true that he's just abandoned us.

You’ve moved your children to a different country away from their father. When you moved back what was the plan for contact etc going forward?

To be honest, he doesn't sound like the kind of person who would be a massive benefit to them if he was in their lives.

If he 'punishes' you at their expense, then what kind of father would he be anyway?

We had only been out there for 2 months when I moved back so it was still the trial period. He was happy for me to return and understood my reasons but there was no plan (one of the problems of the marriage -he wouldn't talk about the future or be held to any commitment or arrangement really). Vaguely he talked about travelling back and forth and vaguely he also probably hoped I would change my mind and that he'd wear me down and I'd go back out. The lack of plan and communication was a big problem as you can imagine.

He is probably just sticking his head in the sand. It's easier for him to pretend to himself that he's young, free and single all on his own than it is for him to face up to the fact that he has a failed marriage and 2 kids. Being in another country just helps him in his illusion.

Going through the same thing 2.5 years down the line. Hasn't seen the littlest one for a year, sees the teen occasionally like a mate.

It really ducking hurts. Far more than our actual split. I'm devastated but trying to do the right thing and contemplating closing the door on him permanently before he fucks up the little one as much as the teen is fucked up.

He can't see beyond his own pain to se what he's doing to his children.

I hope your ex relents, I really do. I don't want you to feel how I'm feeling at the moment