StbExH won't give me address to serve papers

[ZigZagRevive]

I separated from my ex a year ago. He now lives in Thailand and we have three very small children (under 6) who live here in the U.K. with me.

I want to divorce him. I've asked him for his address so I can serve papers and he won't give it to me. Has anyone been in this situation or has any advice?

If it's relevant, he sends no money, there's always an excuse.
He messages and skypes about 3 times a week to see the kids, he also asks for photos and videos. He didn't accept the breakup, very much head in the sand about everything. He wanted us to live out there with him despite me not liking it and him not earning well - it was very isolating for me. I'm glad I got out. There were a lot of serious problems in the marriage.

So we are in contact, just no address. I'll need one though, won't I? I will be seeing a solicitor soon but I think their hands will be tied until I have an address for him.

I suppose there is a chance he might come back here to visit but I don't know when and again, he won't be pinned down to that. Thanks in advance

Do you have a work address for him? If so, send them there.

Thanks. No, he is self-employed and works "from home" over there. Or with random friends. Very casual set-up. Again, this was part of the problem with him. But thank you.

Any family of his you can send it to?

I do believe you’ll be able to divorce him even without his permission. He’s an awkward fucker isn’t he?

Wow wish I could push off and shun all my responsibilities and give no address...... what a scumbag!!

Seek professional help on this.

I think on certain circumstances you can divorce without the ex needing to sign.

Again tho... Seek professional assistance.

Thanks for your replies. Yes, so awkward and selfish.
His family all live in the Caribbean, where he is from. He hasn't been there for about 15 years though.
I guess email isn't going to cut it, is it?

Would addressing it via an embassy or consulate work?

Thanks. I will see a solicitor soon. I just don't know if it qualified for desertion because we are in touch and I do know where he is (roughly).
I also don't want to wait five or seven years or whatever because I'm terrified that he is running up (more) debt.
I will see what the solicitor says. I guess this is a very unusual set of circumstances.

I wondered about embassy, Dame.. Thanks

Seriously don’t worry about the address for now.

Go and get legal advise to protect you against this person, from a financial situation from now onwards.

I’d also tell him that his behaviour is silly as if you were to follow his example it would cause the children great harm being trapped between parents behaving badly - email him something along those lines and see what happens - you have nothing to lose

I knew there were circumstances that he didn't have to sign but I found out from a solicitor friend (not an expert in divorce by her own admission, it was a casual chat only) that she thought we would need to prove that he had received the papers at least.

The D8 form allows you to petition for divorce on the grounds of abandonment if you have not lived together for more than 5 years but there are parts of the document for additional information. If you have lost contact with your ex-husband then that might be enough for the court to grant a divorce.Good Luck~!

Thanks I will get an appointment booked. I guess it'll be the solicitor's job to find out about how to handle the address issue.

Thank you all again. I have been feeling very stuck about how unreasonable and selfish he is.

Seek advice urgently about how best to protect against his debts etc.

And see how you can establish legal separation.

Do you have a joint bank account or Cc?

Do you have any savings, pension or property? If so make a will specifying that all your assets go to your children because otherwise he could be seen as NoK and inherit if you were to die intestate.

I can recommend a Will service (run by a MN er as it happens) that do wills v cheaply and efficiently.

Thank you so much. No joint accounts or property.
I do have my own pension and life insurance. I will make that appointment as soon as possible and discuss making a will too.

If you can't divorce see if you can have a legal separation which may at least stop you being hindered with any debt etc.

Thank you.. I'll be making the appointment soon. I keep putting it off because of no childcare and because it's unpleasant, but I have to get the ball rolling.

Any chance he can be traced through his IP address OP?

I think it is possible to serve papers via email. I guess that method would have to be approved by the court and you'd have show evidence that the email address is his.

I'm not a lawyer! But I'd guess that most, if not all, good divorce solicitors will know the ways to get around problems with an uncooperative spouse.

To OP

Sounds very like abandonment to me. That he keeps in contact with children does not change fact that he has abandoned you in my view.

If you live apart for 2 years you can get a Divorce if both partners agree. If one partner objects you can Divorce after 5 years. Refer to the Owens case. Horrible system that someone can be forced to wait that long.

Seek professional advice.

Good luck

Thanks everyone. I saw that there was a case in South Africa where papers were allowed to be sent on whatsapp or Facebook or something! Maybe email is an option in certain cases, I'll ask the solicitor when I see them (soon)
Ugh, awkward to the end!

OP - would recommend a private detective. It’s amazing how quickly they can track people down, even with limited information.