OP, I am 2.5 years down the line with a similar ex. He won't reply to messages, I had to have him served with divorce papers. We split at my instigation (police removed him) and for the first 1.5 years, he was impossible to deal with as he kept harassing me, telling me he still loves me.
Now he refuses to speak to me, or even receive emails from me. Social services set up Mediation in the hope of us finding some way of being able to co parent. He attended willingly, but refused to do it with me, so had a separate session where he told the mediator he still wants to get back with me.
Now that we're getting into the nitty gritty of what is best for the kids, he seems to have disengaged again. He did this with the family therapist, disengaging when it was made clear that I only wanted to talk about what was best for the kids.
He seems to swing wildly from love to hate, when he is told that I am only interested in co parenting.
He hasn't seen his daughter for a year as he doesn't want to pick her up from my home, he wants to make me meet him halfway even though it is a ridiculous idea, and he'd have to see me to do that. I have suggested if he picks her up from the house, I can just send her out the door, no confrontation needed.
So, sorry, not much advice. My ex, I believe, has serious emotional issues. I thought that him having a girlfriend might make him live in the real world, but clearly not. I hope Tory's comes round eventually. I don't think mine will and I am on the verge of cutting him out of daughter's life permanently to save her own emotional health, a decision that's breaking my heart