Another dreadful Day - support needed

[Changeisahead]

This weekend has been the weekend from hell!

As I said earlier my teenager was hurt in an accident, and my Ex didn't ring me to tell me, he emailed me. Just because of his want to exert power and control over me.

Today my teenager became very abusive and lost the plot with me calling me names, sounding just like their dad. Whilst shouting at me loudly went to hit me.

I tried to explain that abuse and violence is never okay, but it fell on deaf ears. "Apparently it is okay to be abusive and violent as it was someone else fault." My teenager is struggling with our dreadful situation but how can I possible condone this type of treatment again after receiving it from my Ex for many many years.

Later I spoke to my ex to ask what sort of discipline he was going to use and he said nothing hed had a chat to our teenager. I was actually accused of not being a loving mother and that gave them a reason to abuse me.

Send him to his dads. And let him leave there.
Whatever love and support your giving it's being undermined but his dad and you ds is using the way his dad is as an excuse to be abusive.
Until you ds realises for himself what/ how he's acting nothing with change.

I have this helps me when dealing with people who don't understand their behaviour
E.g. it's like convincing a pro life to think about pro choice until they are in that situation they will not understand and will always make a reason from why they are right. I know it's a weird way to think about dealing with people but it works the other way too.

If the incident with the teenager being verbally abusive to you has happened on your time not your exes then you need to be the one to give the discipline. I would be livid to receive an email if my child was injured and not a phone call presuming it was more than a sprain or something. Your DC may be going through a hard time but their actions are completely unacceptable. What consequences have you put in place? Could you speak to the school about support if they are school age?

Watching with interest. I have a very similar situation

Sorry to hear you have continued to have a difficult weekend. What support is your dc getting. Can school offer any counselling or go through the gp?

When things are calm can you have a discussion about what is acceptable and taking responsibility for our own actions. I know you know this but this needs addressing now before dc falls into this pattern of behaviour.

Thanks school are involved on a continue wheel of frustration, had social services involved too, been offered counselling refused it.

Yes of course I know this needs to be addressed but this child has watched an learnt. I did and have addresses this as I said above it was all my fault as I said the wrong thing. They have taken no responsibility at all and in fact my Ex didn't help one bit carried on as if nothing has happened and even bought the teenager something today.

The traits of an abuse always someone else fault, I not only get abused by two people now I also carry the guilt that I let this happen for not leaving sooner

I had had the responsibility conversation until I am blue in the face

OP. My story is very similar. I am very close to making him stay with his Dad permanently. It feels like the abuse is carrying on by proxy 2.5 years later.

He thinks the sun shines out of his Dads arse, and he is grateful for the tiny crumbs of time he gives him. DP and I do all the drudgery with him and his little sister, who ex refuses to see altogether.

We have ongoing help from CAMHS, but nothing can get my teen out of his fixed mind frame that I am doing everything wrong. He hates DP (who doesn't live with us due to the hostile teen) even though DP is patient with him and wonderful with my daughter.

This weekend he thought his Dad was better because he and his girlfriend do fun stuff while me and DP 'do nothing'. We spend all our time together parenting, there's no time or opportunity to do 'fun stuff'. And the teen regularly throws it at me that I lied to him when I didn't tell him I was in a relationship for the first couple of months. I was trying to do the right thing, waiting to make sure it was going to be serious. Apparently his Dad did the right thing by telling him immediately.

His Dad has such a fixed mind frame, our doctor reckoned he has a personality disorder. I'm scared my teen will develop the same but just can't do anything about it 😔