Feeling like a fool

[Timeofchange2019]

My oh ended our marriage at the beginning of January, no willingness to go to counselling etc. To be fair we have been struggling in the last yr to connect etc. So we were very amicable about everything. He is still in our home (separate room) due to finances. the past week he has come and gone as he pleased with no thought to our 9 yr old (which i had a chat with him about and he agreed he was wrong ). He has been away since Friday am and said he wanted to spend sunday with our 9 yr old, he is still not back and he only answered his phone after our 9 yr old left him a voicemail! He is definitely living the single life whilst I sit at home not able to move forward. My friend suggested he needs to leave and don't worry about the money for now - do you agree? Amazed how selfish he has become (ps - his new mates are 10-15 yrs younger, he is in his early 40s..)

No no no, I'm feeling the same right now but don't lose the financial help. Think of it as having a flat mate- whatever but when my dp left before, he had fun and I had nightmares about feeding my dc's and keeping a roof over our heads.
I was upset that he was and will in time live the single easy life, but I didn't care about going out or enjoying myself all I worried about was how I was going to have nothing.
You've already much up with the issues for love now do it to protect you and your dc.
Because when they leave even the best won't or can't help supporting their dc

Thank you, you are probably right we are hoping he can move out in march so only a few months of getting annoyed I guess :-/ its just frustrating that we are the responsible ones in a situation we didn't choose...

When he does move out when will he see DS? Would it be a good idea to set up proper responsibilities and a timetable now?

Agreed he will have her sunday afternoon to stay over sun/mon night plus one full weekend a month so guess we could get that going now in a way.

Setting up a timetable now is a good idea. He can get used to and see how it will be when he has DC and what will be required of him. He won't be able to hang out with his mates and take off for the weekend. He won't be able to break promises to you or DC. He won't be able to (nor will it be allowed) for him to try and switch weekends around on you so he can live it up and have fun with his younger mates or whoever else. So, use that time to teach him/instill in him rules and responsibilities.

While he is there and when it's his turn to have DC, you should go out and do stuff and have fun. This way you can get out and relax/rejuvenate/have fun or whatever and not feel like you're the only one dealing with all of this. You're entitled to have as much fun as he is.

This must be tough though. I hope in March you will finally get a chance to heal and move on. I went through similar and living with my ex was difficult. I thought, at the time we still lived together, I was healed and good to go. He moved out and I realized, I had more healing to do.

It's hard but it does get better eventually.

Thank you all, he got back about 3ish having left his phone on the bus so had to deal with that crisis (someone pocketed it by the looks of it) what would he have done without me?! ...going to get him to take her to school in the morning etc. Which he will be doing on a Monday once he moves out anyway..roll on the summer when things are a bit more where they should be.