I have been reading all the posts on here today and am shocked by how many of us are in the same boat.
Three weeks ago my DH told me that the spark had gone, we were like best friends, he loves me but no longer in love with me, there’s no emotional connection anymore, there’s nobody else.
We are 21 years married this September, 3 DC 16 16 and 12, together for 25 years. I’m 46.
Early 2018 he told me he felt a little like this but he can still see a future for us.
In the past year he has put up such barriers that I have not been able to get near him emotionally and physically.
I went through a rough time with work and self esteem about 2 years ago and he has been amazing, supported me throughout and I am now in a much happier place. However he says the whole thing has drained him and our relationship.
There are the normal teenage conflicts/financial worries/wider family illness but nothing out of the ordinary.
The biggest change in him was that he stopped drinking almost 2 years ago. His parents are functional alcoholics and he felt that he was drinking too much and that drive his decision which I totally respect.... but he has withdrawn socially as well as from me.
He is a wonderful Dad and husband and there is just no obvious reason - he has agreed to go to counselling starting in a couple of weeks but says he can’t see how he can change the way he feels.
I am devastated. I love him the same way I always have, despite everything.
I feel like my safe haven has been ripped away from me.
Now I am treading on eggshells all the time in an effort to not make things worse, appear normal for the kids and give him space. We went away last weekend to a mutually treasured place and had some really good talks but no further forward.
I am sure that I want to fight for my marriage but am so scared of doing the wrong thing - he asked me the other day to stop being so cheerful and positive all the time as it wasn’t natural! I can’t win can I? Do I just let him go?