Help I don't get what my solicitor said any have experience

[Changeisahead]

So today I saw my solicitor to finalise my form E for court.

So im not working at moment been having panic attacks and been signed off by the doctor for stress, DV and abuse still living in the same house.

I have every intention of going back to work once I am free and settled, my solicitor said the court may insist that I go back to work full time, I don't get, I didn't work full time before and I have a 6 year old, and a older Daughter how I am supposed to go back to work full time, I don't have a career anymore I gave that up, 20 odd years ago to bring the kids up, had been working part time do odd jobs type work.

What about the 13 weeks of school holidays a year, even if my x shares some of that I will still have to pay for holiday clubs and out of the salary I will receive I wont be able to afford them, alone eat!

Anyone have any help they can share feeling so very stressed.

Thanks

Are the court proceedings just to sort out the financial settlement or will they cover child contact arrangements too?

I would be insisting on supervised contact only (in a contact centre).

Obviously you want a fair financial settlement but that wouldn't be my main concern here!

He earns 78k whatever you do don’t think your going to get awarded 39k a year of that which I would think is where your solicitor is coming from.
Your child that is 6 will obviously will fully qualify for full child maintenance payments and the older well depends on the age and what he or she is doing.
Yes you should get a equal share of property and assets maybe even a bias towards you if you are going to be the main parent they live with.
Others have pointed out if he applies for 50/50 and it’s given you will get very little or possibly nothing in terms of maintenance.
Every case is different so I can only wish you well

Well I would have thought that the OP should get 50% of assets (including house equity, savings and pension) plus child maintenance (but not spousal maintenance). That's more than he's offering which is only 50% of the house and no child maintenance, right?

PS that is obviously simplistic and i know there will be variations depending on circumstances.

They will consider his pensions and everything no matter what he wants

Sorry I have not had time to read all of his, but have been in a similar situation. Basically you will be expected to maximise your income. No matter what that job may be, even if it is not possible to return to your former career. For my FH I went armed with print outs of all the jobs I had applied for with no success to back up my argument that it was near impossible to return to paid employment of any kind especially being near a certain age. Some Judges are out of touch and think you can just snap your fingers and walk in to a job, realistically it is not so easy as I proved.

Message for Ruddynoah

OMG I cant tell you how much your message means.

I want to rebuild my life, how can not working mean I do that but I do need time to recover. I know I will survive as I have survived what Ive been through my doc tells me most would not be as strong, I am so proud that you managed to do that and you have got to where you are, If I don't do similar then I will not of achieved what I intend to do. My ex knows my strength he knows how much ambition and strength I have, its been hidden by his continuedly beating me down but I will rise again LOL

Thank you for sharing. You are so right you make your own Light, my life has been beyond dark so it can only get lighter. Whatever happens I will be richer than I am now and I don't mean in money sense I mean in life sense richer because I will be allow to be me happy and relaxed, and safe. I am not sure anyone until they experience dV or abuse has any idea what it involves or means.

All the best,

okay this post is getting out of hand

I do not think I should not WORK I never ever said that.
I asked if the court would give me time to recover from the DV and my panic attacks.

I do not expect to get half of his 78K I haven't had half when I was married to him so why on earth should I get half afterwards
Yes I want half of his pension I don't have one he ever even considered I was worthy of a pension, I paid all my money into a joint account and now have £231 to my name THATS IT!
there are no savings so that is not applicable, I repeated again and again I not looking for a free lunch or charity because I was married or similar I am looking for Freedom from abuse and violence to me and my children.

Crimsonlake that is a good bit of advice I want to show willing and of course I want to maximise my earning for me, not for the court as that is what is best for the children and me (my new family) I understand what you are saying that judges think its easy to return to work, it isn't I will show I am being proactive, I don't only have to do that for the Judge but For UCredit as they request that too. I just need to be free to recover from the daily abuse and then I can rebuild my life"

Another Emma I cant insist on that he has contact at a contact centre with the children the children would have to go through a child custody hearing in court and I would have to go to court for that. at the moment he has equal right to his children, have you ever experience dV or abuse, if not its another conversation there is no point in getting into, the law only protect kids that are at significant harm, and even then it is very weak.

Don't be ridiculous. If his violence against his child was reported to the police there is evidence. If you want to formalise contact arrangements through court then of course the judge will consider the evidence. At the very least you should seek legal advice on it.

You didn't ask my original question about whether you have had any support from women's aid or another DV organisation?

Rights of Women provide good legal information and advice for women in your situation.

However you seem to be getting annoyed with anyone who says anything that isn't exactly what you want to hear - even though it's clear everyone is trying to be helpful - so I'm bowing out now.

We are not the enemies. Your STBXH is.

Good luck.

answer not ask

Another Emma

Where did I ever given you the idea I was annoyed as you suggested when someone says something I didn't like. I thought this site was about Freedom of speech.

Sorry if that was the impression you got that's not the case,

Yes there are police reports and there is evidence. My oldest has given a statement to the police as I have Even then I cannot alone say he has to have supervised visits it doesn't work like. I maybe misunderstood as I thought that was what you suggested. At the moment until the matter reaches court he has equal rights to his children. I was just explaining, I didn't think I was being ridiculous. People have post some unusual comments Generalisation the court and the law unfortunately does not generalise They look at case by case. I have found DV abuse and cohesive controlling behaviour is still a really untouched unsupported subject. you must of seen that from all the stuff in the press recently. I am following the law and a process. I have a full legal team and contact with various agencies including woman's aid victim support I didn't answer this question previously as I am not sure what it would of achieved if I had woman aid cannot stop him they give advice I am following their advice and I have a safety plan and I have counselling of various levels for me and the children. I asked if you'd ever been in this situation, as until you have the cannot realise how the law works on these things. that was not meant in a patronising manner nor was in meant in an angry tone. If you have experienced these things then I take my hat off to you and wish you all the best.

Just because there is a number of police reports until the matter reaches the custody court its not considered.

The more serious agencies only get involved when the child is in immediate danger, or about to come to significant harm.

thank you for clarifying that you are not my enemy I had not even considered you were!!!

Thank you for the good luck wish I wish to same to you.

Another Emma one other thing I have just seen your above post about your post about the financial settlement would not be your main concern.

I agree 100% that has not been my main concern either

But I was told on day one by my solicitor and then another solicitor afterwards first one was free via CAB

It goes
Divorce
Finances
Children

In that order one stems from the other so you cant get divorced without doing each of them. Well you can but its not normal and processes have to be followed to do so, and really my kids are my only concern but all the others points that don't get address properly will effect them long term

Others might have told you the same...go on the Wikivorce government funded divorce advice website, you will get loads of great advice on there. With there help I self represented through several court hearings with my ex.

Thanks Crimsonlake yes funny you should say that I registered with them the other day and got a call about the free legal advicel, I have a solicitor but all the new advice I can get will help and never be turned away, I have found through this process, that information and experience is key. I didn't know it was a government funded sight that's good to know. The page can be so confusing I end up coming off it LOL! I have full legal aid because of the DV and my Ex has a non Mol (civil law) so that is the proof needed, I was given emergency legal aid when he attacked me and then a substantive cert after going through months and months and months of questions, Legal aid is not free I have to pay but every single penny with interest but for now it helps.

A friend told me she had legal aid then she lost it, and self rep herself she preferred to self rep as she could say the things she wanted but when she was represented her barrister sometimes didn't get it.

I know one day I will be free from this, a number of years ago I thought I was trapped forever. When i was being verbally abused, and called the most dreadful name for going to sleep early for instance, I used to dream of the day I would be free, now that day is closer, and I can see a new life a head, as someone said earlier there is always light at the end of the tunnel when the tunnel was as dark as it has been for me.

Best wishes

OP, going back to work in whatever capacity, may well improve your mental health. There's lots of research to indicate working is good for self-esteem, to combat isolation etc.

After my split it was Christmas and I had a two week holiday, I thought I would never be able to go back to work and was on the verge of resigning. Went to GP and got ADs just to help me cope with the day before and the first days of work. Best thing I ever did. To prove I could do it and to get that sense of normality and competence. Know now I will take the ADs for six months and then be OK. If I had stayed off work I would have struggled to ever go back and think I would have become seriously depressed and isolated.

I asked if the court would give me time to recover from the DV and my panic attacks.

Sorry, I haven’t read the entire thread, but yes absolutely - the court makes its recommendation based on the assumption that you will eventually work full time, but you absolutely have all the time that you need to build up to this afterwards.

Luckily ex and I went as far as the second hearing and then settled - so didn’t have to go to the final hearing.

I was earning about 10K a year at the time (last March) and my solicitor asked me how much I might expect to earn if I did the same job full time (I was working 4 days a week) - that got put on my Form E as a rough guideline and left at that. No more said about it, though the Judge at the second hearing (who gave advice) will have read it, as well as ex’s. It will have helped to form opinion.

Once the divorce was finalised, I was and have been free to do everything at my own pace with the resources that I have, as will you be.

The fact that your earning potential is a lot lower than that of your ex should have some bearing on asset split in your favour IMO.

I wish you all the best.