Access days

[Nj1208]

Hi looking for some advice please.

Will try to keep this brief as much as I can.

Stbxh and I are currently communicating through his partner due to disagreements escalating beteeen us and nothing getting resolved.

Stbxh currently has dd on a Tuesday overnight and a Saturday overnight. I have made it clear for a few months now that I would like to swap to alternative weekends. However my husband and his partner have expressed that this is not practical for them at the moment due to their current living arrangements.

We are currently in talks to try to reach and agreement for his two overnight stays with her. They(husband and girlfriend) have asked us to be flexible until they have their house sorted. Fine.

So I have put forward some alternative suggestions so that we both get a day with our daughter at the weekend. They have since some back with other suggestions for different days and times at the weekend k that work better for them

My solicitor has told me that I should agree to what they want for the time being, then I will have every right to start the alternative weekends once they are settled in their home. This arrangement doesn’t exactly suit me down to the ground but is fine for my daughter.

Do you agree that I should give him his way as a temporary measure to put me in a stronger position when it comes to alternate weekends?

My solicitor has basically told me “the more I give the More I will get”

Thanks

Bumping this

So your solicitor you are paying for advice has told you what to do in their considered opinion. Why wouldn't you follow the advice when seemingly both parties have valid reasons for flexibility in the short term before finalising a more long term solution in a short while?

It’s not about ‘agreeing to what they want’ or even what you want (children aren’t possessions). It’s about doing what’s in the best interest of the child. What’s best for them?

It sounds like you both want to win. It’s not about winning. It’s about keeping it child focussed.

And IMO (and as a SM who has watched her OH fight through the courts in order to see his own children). EOW is far too big a gap. Put it this way - if the shoe was in the other foot and you were only ‘allowed’ to 2 your own children every 2 weeks, how would you feel? Would that be ok?

He is giving you advice on how to negotiate well and reasonably. There is an arrangement in place which you want to change. They have said they might consider changes but now is not a practical time for them because of a situation with their housing.

Your child needs to feel secure with her parents. Too much change at once is not good for her. So there is value in what they are saying.

From your perspective they have not said a categorical no. In response to your request for change they are trying to find resolution through compromise. Your response needs to show a willingness to compromise as well. If not you appear unreasonable to them and gives them justification to say no. Essentially you just become a person who makes demands. At least that is how they can perceive you and portray you to others, especially a judge.

my solicitor had advised me to be aware of setting precedents that in the eventuality it went to court, would be seen as a complicit agreement.

I, personally, would weigh up the balance of being seen to be difficult / obstructive with a possibilty of it becoming a norm, due to initial 'acceptance'...

I have an arrangement with my wife for every other weekend but she demands change at times instead of asking and negotiating.
I went to pick my daughter up at 1730 tonight as it was my weekend but only to be told I was to early by my daughter cos she was chilling with her mum so I would have to travel back later in the cold , snow and rain. When I said I wouldn't be doing that and her mum would have to drop her off at my flat that basically caused a massive fallout and basically my daughter said I'm not spending the weekend with you then dad because I didn't just do as I was told and pop back later.
I'm sick to death of it all.

@Knockerefc how old is your daughter?

She is 13.