Can I limit child’s contact with father?

[rtr1492]

Hi,

I posted at the start of December saying I’d asked my husband to leave as I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. He’s taken it really badly, in fact it seems to be getting worse. He’s been drinking heavily and been diagnosed with depression. On Sunday night he sent me a suicide letter via email for our daughter then took an overdose. Luckily he is fine and home from hospital now.

He constantly bombards me with texts and phone calls begging for me back, saying he’s booked us a holiday, accusing me of seeing other people. It’s usually the same stuff over and over but sometimes he calls and texts Up to 30 times a day. Today I reported it to the police because it’s impacting on my mental health - I’m currently signed off sick. Anyway, the police were brilliant, they came and talked to me, spoke to him and then seized his firearm from the house due to his instability.

The current arrangement with our daughter is that she sees him Thursday night overnight and then every other weekend.

Is it reasonable if I don’t allow her to stay overnight this Thursday? His mum will collect her from school and I thought perhaps they could stay and have dinner together then his mum could drop her off home after dinner?

I’m terrified that his mental state is so fragile that if she does anything wrong he will snap and end up hurting her pr something. He also says he’s not allowed to drive at the moment so I’m guessing he won’t be able to take her to school on friday.

Does this sound reasonable?

Thanks in advance.

The police confiscated a firearm from his house today because of his perceived instability? You absolutely should not send your daughter.

Could you call social services and ask for advice in this situation?

The difficulty is that he is living with his parents. I don’t want to limit their contact either. So I thought that if she just stays for dinner, there’s always someone else who there with her. I suppose I could call them - I hadn’t thought of that.

I separated from my husband in July last year and had safeguarding concerns - he claimed to be suicidal driving in front of lorries, threatened to kill himself and make me watch and was driving with the kids in the car when over the drink drive limit. I took legal advice and the solicitor said if I didn’t cease contact immediately then they would doubt my ability to safeguard my own children. As much as I am usually pro dads, I’d say cease all content immediately - he had a firearm! If you want the grandparents involved they need to exclude dad until you are confident about his mental health. I’m sorry to say it only takes one incident to cause a tragedy x

withdrawing contact from potentially the one stable thing in his life doesn't sound the best option without getting advice from a professional. Speak to Social Services and a solicitor but given his parents are also there it sounds like there is some form of stability.

The firearms bit is just dramatic, they are licensed in this country for a reason, so just the same as the police granted him a licence in the first place they've done their safeguarding bit by taking it away for now. He's obviously had the gun and license whilst you were together so you've accepted it previously, no big drama

wobytide the OP has a legal obligation as a parent to safeguard her child. She does not have a responsibility to "fix" her adult ex. He is living with his parents, so they can watch out for him but his actions are his responsibility.
It takes only one incident to create a tragedy, I would not leave a vulnerable child of someone known to be mentally unstable and threatening suicide and children's authorities are within their rights to question the parenting judgement and abilities of those that do.

Just as courts are able to judge parents who withdraw access to children. Works both ways, hence getting advice from professionals and not some people on the internet who've heard one side of a story is always the best bet in such circumstances.

Wow Thankyou for the replies. I appreciate your comments. I think I’ve been quite fair in what I’ve said. I’ve given facts rather than opinion so I’m not sure why this is “one side” of a story. It can be really hard to pluck up the courage to go down legal routes especially given the state of the relationship and me obviously caring for my ex partner and his mental health (because I’m a human with feelings), so sometimes asking “some people on the internet” is actually really helpful and can give the confidence needed to do the right thing. I clearly stated I didn’t intend to withdraw all access. I’m not quite sure what is meant by “no big drama” in relation to the gun being seized, because for my 4 year old daughter it was a pretty big drama having 4 police officers in her home when things are already quite fragile. Yes, he had the gun when I was with him, but No, he had not tried to kill himself in the time I was with him - situations change. Anyway, I went to get some advice this morning and what I’ve suggested is perfectly reasonable. As I said though, I do appreciate your viewpoint and taking the time to post.