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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Need a hand hold I think my marriage is over.

23 replies

Needafriend2019 · 06/01/2019 22:42

I've been with oh 14 years this year we've had lots of ups and downs. In October we had a big row and he said he wanted to leave then he decided he didn't we both said we would try. I feel like I have been trying his big thing is he wants me to be tidier. I asked him to do 3 things, be kinder to me a compliment every so often, come shopping with me and time his showers so we can both use the ensuite small petty things really. Since October none of the things I've asked for have really happened. I've been off work the last 2 weeks and spent them feeling confused about every thing I've googled how to leave, houses I could afford etc. This morning I told him I feel sad and I need him to show more love and affection. Tonight I've made packed lunches for everyone for work tomorrow. Then I noticed his was in the bin he had gone to bed so i went and I asked what was wrong with it he said he's starting a diet tomorrow and won't eat sandwiches. I said couldn't he have eaten it tomorrow it's a waste and he started shouting at me he told me to f off i said i would never talk to him that way. He started shouting at me to shut up and get out I said I didn't understand all this reaction about a sandwich!
Dd came into the room asking what was going on and he shouted at her to get out he then got out of bed in his pjs and drove off in his car. He came back half an hour later and has gone back to bed.
I can't do this any more I don't want the children to think that an acceptable way to talk to anyone. I'm sick of waiting for things to improve and they don't. I'm scared of separating.
I went through a long court case last year with little support from him I won and got a large sum I bought the house we live in outright he would only agree to it being 70/30 split in my favour in Oct he was telling me he wasn't going anywhere till the house was sold and he got his 30%. I don't know what to do next I can't carry on like this it's not fair on me or the children. I don't want them to lose their home as well as their family. I think I could possibly stay her till the youngest is 18 but I don't know if I want to be tied to to him until then. Oh is disabled he works full time at the minute but this could change any time. I've looked into universal credit etc and I'm scared.
I'm on a temporary contract at work hopefully I will have a job until July 2020. But I'm already worrying about what happens then.
I'm not even sure where I'm meant to sleep tonight, it's my first day back at work tomorrow I wanted a chilled relaxed night and a good sleep I'm dreading work tomorrow.
Dd is going to my parents tomorrow she's not back at school until Tues and I don't know if she will say anything to them, I've told her it's fine to talk to granny and grandad about it if she wants but I can't face the questions if she does.

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Weenurse · 06/01/2019 22:45

Hugs and 💐

1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 06/01/2019 22:45

No advice but you did not deserve to be spoken to like that. You'd done a nice thing for him ffs! just here to handhold until someone with actual advice comes along

MintyCedric · 06/01/2019 22:48

Sounds horrible (and familiar, unfortunately).

Is the house in joint names and are you in a position to buy him out of his 30% (I assume there's something in writing about that).

I think the first thing you need to do is see a solicitor and a financial/mortgage advisor and establish the practicalities as this will enable you to make the best possible decisions going forward.

It's horrible living like that, but if you can distance yourself a bit and play the long game it will probably be to your advantage.

Flowers
jmh740 · 06/01/2019 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyCedric · 06/01/2019 23:40

Definitely legal advice asap then.

It's bloody hard but if you are well informed on the practicalities it makes it a damn sight easier.

You may also find he doesn't ultimately act as you expect.

Needafriend2019 · 08/01/2019 17:34

He didn't talk to me last night when he got home. He texted me to say he wasn't apologising and he was sick of me giving him shit! My mum has got the kids for t tonight so I was going to ring cab but the local ones all seem to close really early.

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Needafriend2019 · 08/01/2019 17:40

I'm so scared

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1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids · 08/01/2019 21:26

what are you scared of? Him being physically violent?

choccybiscuit · 08/01/2019 22:17

How are you Op? I hope you're ok? Thanks

Betty777 · 08/01/2019 22:25

I hope you only mean that you are scared of the future and all the unknowns? I have been there and things are lots better now.

I agree with those who recommend legal advice and financial advice - you can get legal advice basics (at least 20 mins phone call) for free. You should feel better once the unknown becomes a bit clearer

You don't need to find out everything immediately, things don't move that quickly so just take each day as it comes

Needafriend2019 · 10/01/2019 17:22

I'm scared of the future. Dd is a real daddy's girl it will hit her hard. I'm scared of losing my house. I'm scared he will be awful and make everything difficult.
I'm scared to leave, yesterday we went to the doc oh is disabled he was telling the doc he has low mood and is snappy and moody at home doc prescribed antidepressants I'm worried his behaviour is because of his disability not him and I'm thinking are things really that bad do I need to leave but I think I know deep down I really do. I'm scared that my contract at work is only for 18months and what do I do at the end of that.

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choccybiscuit · 11/01/2019 16:30

Just bumping for you, hopefully someone will be along to give you some advice Thanks

westernchampion · 11/01/2019 20:21

Please let us know how you are.

Needafriend2019 · 11/01/2019 21:44

I'm so confused yesterday he came home from work and he was obviously in pain and he went to bed I was questioning if separating is the right step. Today I've come home from work to a letter from the bank to say were behind on the mortgage I text him to say does he know what that's about, he pays the mortgage he said no idea he pays it every month.i rang and they said he hasn't been paying the full amount since October, it's been about 70 short each month. The house is up for sale and it should clear at the end of the month but it has fallen through before(this is not the house we live in) he said we can just clear it when we've sold it, I've had to pay it out of my savings which I'm angry about. He's come home from work and just gone to bed, I'd rung my mum earlier in tears and said I can't do this any more. So now ive worried her, I've also had texts from eldest ds today asking if I'm ok so think my mum has spoken to him, oh isn't his dad. From what I've looked into though I can't claim universal credit while we own another house we don't live in. I feel like I can't do anything until the house is sold. I've been looking at trying to stay In the house until the youngest is 18(9 years time) but said to my mum I don't know if it would be easier to have a clean break now. I would only be able to afford a small terrace though and why should my kids have to lose their home/garden/friends next door. I don't know if I would be able to get an order to stay In the house till ds is 18 because of his disability. I know really I need some legal advice but I just want to bury my head in the sand at the minute.

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Thankyouforthemusic · 11/01/2019 21:57

Do get some legal advice it will help you see things more clearly. Can your mum help you? Talk to friends? It sounds like you need to talk through your options. You’re not married?

Needafriend2019 · 11/01/2019 22:02

Yes were been married 10 years next month. I don't really have any friends I can talk to, my dad keeps telling my mum to keep out of it.

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Needafriend2019 · 11/01/2019 22:04

I'm sat in the living room and I can hear him snoring away in bed it's making me mad, I can't sleep because there's so much going on in my head, I feel like he thinks he can just do what ever he wants.

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Needafriend2019 · 12/01/2019 21:46

I've been out with dd most of the day I think ds has spent all day on the Xbox. Practically as soon as I got in he went upstairs to bed. I'm dreading tomorrow

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scattercushion17 · 12/01/2019 21:51

Bumping for you. I have no good advice to give but I hope that someone else can help. I hope that you managed to get the legal and financial help. If not, perhaps look into that over the weekend.

Weenurse · 12/01/2019 22:43

Have you booked an appointment for legal advice?

Needafriend2019 · 12/01/2019 23:21

No I haven't yet, another thing I'm too scared to do. I need to do it on Monday when I get in from work before he gets home.

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Needafriend2019 · 13/01/2019 19:48

I was out with dd yesterday practically as soon as I got in he went upstairs to watch tv in the bedroom he said it was because he wasn't feeling well I didn't think too much of it because it was 7pm but he did the same today straight upstairs at 3pm when we got in, I'd rather be was out of the way but the kids have said today that they think he's gone upstairs because he doesn't like them anymore, it's heart breaking.

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Needafriend2019 · 15/01/2019 21:19

I e been to see a women's charity today I'm bot sure if it was useful it's not all really sunk in yet, they are going to help me get some legal advice they are going to call me back tomorrow

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