Bf and I on the verge of splitting up but he owes me money?

[EmmaH83]

I think I know the answer but was wondering if anyone could help.
My bf and I have been together nearly 3 years when we met we were both in the process of selling our marital homes and he borrowed some money to pay for his rent and other expenses. Last year I remortgaged and we paid off our debt.
In total he owes me £18000. We have no legal agreement although in jan he will start paying me £65 a month which is the most he can afford.
I know I’ve been stupid, naive and trusting.
Recently we have been arguing constantly and if we spit up would I be able to get my money back. Could I take him to court?
Or should I just write the money off as a bad experience?

£18k?! I wouldn’t write it off. You need legal advice.

At £65 a month it will take 23 years before you are paid back!!

What assets does he have, realistically even if a court ordered him to pay you back could he?

I think you would have to show that it was a loan not a gift (based entirely on judge rinder scenarios) even if it is just a scrawled piece of paper with a date and signature.

Did you lend him the money in one go?

Well if he's only paying you £65 a month it will take him 24 years to pay off the debt so you can either wait 24 years, or what I would do is kick his arse out of my remortaged home (what debts did you have to pay off? where you in debt before you met him?) and try to gain recompense through the courts but I wouldn't hold my breath.

If you charge interest it's going to take even longer, and by then inflation will have take over.

It depends OP.

Would getting shot of him in one fell swoop be sufficient for you to say "fuck the money, it's worth it"?

Because the current alternative is having him lingering like a bad smell for the next few decades of your life, and even then on a completely unreliable basis, for a measly £65 a month.

Sometimes you have to just walk away, despite the cost.

He has signed a piece of paper acknowledging that he owes me the money. It was lent in 3-4 installments.
I am in debt but it’s manageable.
When he’s nice he’s lovely but recently he’s been awful and I don’t know whether this amount of ups and downs are normal or whether it’s time to throw the towel in.
He has no assets whatsoever apart from a moped that gets him to work

If you were going on judge Judy I would suggest you stay with him for 6 months and let him pay you £65 each month to prove that it was a loan and not that you were only demanding the money back because the relationship ended.

Take him to court. Presumably you can prove you gave him the £18k. Hopefully a judge would have enough common sense to agree that you’re unlikely to gift him £18k and it was a loan. Any proof you can dredge up, even texts or messages, needs to be given to your solicitor.

He has signed a piece of paper acknowledging that he owes me the money

Definitely get a solicitor then. He will have to get a loan to pay you back.

why can he only afford to pay you £65 a month

You've been a mug. Stop being a mug now and see a solicitor.

If he has no assets and such a smaller income then the loan was always going to be unrecoverable. What is the point in the stress and expense of taking him to court when he will never realistically pay you back?

You’ve been ripped off. Be thankful you are not married or it could be worse.

If he has no assets/income he can't pay you back regardless and you'll just chuck away more money and stress taking him to court. Consider if it's feasible to actually get the money off him

Sadly even if you win I can see the court allowing him to pay it back at £5 a month. You are not going to get your money back.

You're in a sticky situation. Not blaming - but lending someone that amount of money with no ways of paying it back was not a good idea (that's why bank need to see assets or regular income before they will loan).

Just out of interest - what did he spend the money on?

You have proof that it was a loan so that's not an issue. However at £65 a month that's over 2 decades of payments. First option is that you count this as a blessing (you will eventually get it back) and write out a contract now and get him to sign. It needs to acknowledge the total debt and the 23 years of payments, plus interest (maybe RPI?)

You could take him to court - he's acknowledged the loan, however as he has no tangible assets, they will find in your favour but he's not going to be able to pay you.

Legal advice is always good, especially if you can get the first hour for free, however advice/letters etc are eventually going to cost you money and may not change the situation.

Despite what some others have mentioned, a court cannot make someone take out a loan in order to pay you back (a court can't order someone to put themselves in debt, they can only order them to free up fixed assets).

My advice is to speak to his family and make them aware - can he borrow (some) all of the money back from them?

You said yourself you think you already know the answer to the question......unfortunately it's a very expensive lesson.
Don't lend money, that's what banks are for.

He spent 5k on rent upfront for a flat. 1k on driving lessons. He never passed and gave up. 8k clearing debts and the rest on emergencies and his CBT. He said he will up the money when he can so from March will be laying back £165 and so on

It’s a lousy system that allows people to get off with ripping off those who have tried to help them.

I laugh these days when I hear people complaining of some scam that has robbed them of a few hundred points or even a couple of thousand or whatever.

The biggest risk to anyone’s financial well-being is a bad relationship. Marriage is the biggest risk of all.

The courts system won’t help anyone get justice because of the costs. It just feeds the greedy lawyers.

I always believed in British justice but it was a false idol.

*pounds

1. Stay with him for 4 months while he pays you back £65 a month and pretend like your relationship is not in difficulties. If you have to go out more with girlfriends or escape to family members then do so.
2. In the meantime get something on paper saying he owes you £18K
3. Ask for an increase in the amount he is paying you a back in month four after he's paid that instalment, and in it mention the entire sum. If he agrees that he owes the money you have further proof.
4. Whether he does 3 or not wait until month 7 before you dump him

If he has no assets then there is no point taking him to court. Ensure he keeps paying his £65 per month as long as possible and if he stops paying that amount chase him for any amount of money. Even if it gets to the point he's only paying you a £1 back chase him get him to pay you that sum, the reason being if he suddenly gets assets then you can take him to court for the money. If you let him go 6 years without a payment then the debt will be written off.